smoovgee
Nov 10, 2013
Undergraduate / Language fascinates me most -Law personal statement / HongKong Universities [2]
So here's my critic
I like to ponder; even trivial things in daily life make me curious.Sounds like you are a scatterbrain that can't focus on anything. That you get bogged down by little things. Among them the use of language fascinates me most - I enjoy figuring out the best way to present my thoughts to others. This leads to my interest in debate. From the experience I realized that only through the use of rational thinking and presenting them clearly could my opponents be convinced. the rest of this paragraph doesn't flow smoothly.
In my childhoodtake this out.the characterand this. Atticus Finch in the noveland this "To Kill a Mockingbird" inspired me to undertake law professionand this . As a lawyer, he showed how the power of firm reasoning and language can fight off prejudices. But becoming a barrister is not my goalNever start a sentense with but. Say something like " Becoming a barrister is a step in my career goal of becoming a prosecutor then ultimately a judge." ; I aspire to become a prosecutor then ultimately a judge. There is a strong sense of justice in me ,say instead, "I have a strong sense of justice." I believe that the judiciary should not possess any preconceived notions onuse about instead of on defendants and keenly hope that I could be a member of the judiciary to maintain law and order.This sentence seems really pretentious. Say something like "I bellieve I can be an strong lawyer/attorney/barrister for my community."
Also, attending several court hearings has furthered my understanding of the legal system, because the intricate but indispensable procedures followed in a lawsuit inform me of the judiciary's rigorousness, making me eager to know more about law."I've attended several court hearings that has reinforced my facsination with the law process. The intricate and detailed procedures of the cases has shown me alot of the process and has leaves me eager to learn more about law.
I am truthfully passionate about studying law; my dedication in language communication skills and the ability to think logically would certainly be leveraged. The program would provide me with the essentials to undertake career in law. I hope I could get a chance to exert my strengths and explore the program in greater depth.
Your use of "I" is fine. I just think you need to be more concise and not so flowery. Good luck!
So here's my critic
I like to ponder; even trivial things in daily life make me curious.Sounds like you are a scatterbrain that can't focus on anything. That you get bogged down by little things. Among them the use of language fascinates me most - I enjoy figuring out the best way to present my thoughts to others. This leads to my interest in debate. From the experience I realized that only through the use of rational thinking and presenting them clearly could my opponents be convinced. the rest of this paragraph doesn't flow smoothly.
I am truthfully passionate about studying law; my dedication in language communication skills and the ability to think logically would certainly be leveraged. The program would provide me with the essentials to undertake career in law. I hope I could get a chance to exert my strengths and explore the program in greater depth.
Your use of "I" is fine. I just think you need to be more concise and not so flowery. Good luck!
