Posts by notorious90

notorious90

Nov 29, 2013

Undergraduate / I was immediately adopted by a loving,single,gay dad! - UC - the world you come from [3]

When I was born on July 5th, 1996 I was immediately adopted by a loving, single, gay dad. I never knew my mother, only her name, Rosa I think it was. But as soon as I was born, she vanished. So I went on to ~~school~~study in a public school, where I had a lot of nice friends, participated in activities, looked , spoke, and acted like every other kid my age, but there was always something missing.

Every week in my fifth grade class my teacher would sit us all down and we would have to talk about our weekends; circle time she would call it. Many kids in my class would talk about how they had a wonderful weekend with their dad AND mom ~~ore~~or girls would talk about how their moms took them shopping while their dads worked. But for me, every week, I would only have one parent to talk about. My friends would always question me about my mom, and I never had any answers. For me, I only had one dad and he wasn't like other parents. I was confused, why didn't I have a mom? Why did my dad like other men? My dad tried to explain it to me once, but I never truly understood.

So instead of circle time I took to reading books so I wouldn't have to participate. Books became an escape for someone like me, I would read for hours on end and become immersed in the authors' world. My dad used to tell me that when I'm reading it's like my body is physical with him but mind is completely occupied. Reading and writing became my passion because I came from a world where my story wasn't accepted among my peers so I decided to read others stories and write my own. I love my dad and I accept him for who he is, no matter what. He saved me from a life of poverty and pain and that's a story worth telling. That's why my dream is to become a literary agent and help promote an authors work and help them share it with the world. Everybody has a story to tell, but not everybody's heard.

It's a good story and i really like it. The sentence which I highlighted in green color is confusing and awkward.
Good Luck :D

notorious90

Nov 29, 2013

Undergraduate / Talking to a stranger; UfT/ What has inspired you to pursue engineering? [3]

He spoke with me about his entire experience of engineering - the typical workday, the advantages, and the future job prospects.

With unwavering encouragement from my dad, a software engineer with 25 years of experience, I decided to be audacious and pursue the career path of engineering.

Over the past few years, I have developed a passion and thirst for the knowledge of chemistry and physics.

I am also a peer tutor at my school and find pleasure in helping others learn. This has challenged me to view problems in an array of different perspectives so that i can better understand concepts and increase my problem solving skills.

notorious90

Nov 29, 2013

Undergraduate / 'Cause-and-effect' - UC -WORLD I COME FROM [4]

I aspire to go to college, take classes that interest me as well as strike my curiosity, and find out what that may be."

I joined different organizations, learned which ones were the best fit for me , and stuck with them. Each of them offered me different perspectives and insights - such as a taste into the world of business or what being a performer feels like.

Even though I do not have a picture-perfect family who was always around, I accept that because I have become a responsible young woman.

"Fast forward into high school, I continued to grow as a person and took charge of my high school career. Having already understood that doing well academically would get me that desired GPA, wanting to succeed in things other than academics complicated that equation."

I agree with intropella. This sentence is a bit confusing.

Apart from these mistakes, the essay was great. I liked it. :D

notorious90

Nov 29, 2013

Undergraduate / Chess and Me - CENTRAL TO IDENTITY [2]

Hey guys. This is my common app essay and i would be grateful if you guys could give some advice about the essay or how i could improve it. Thanks :)

Prompt "Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."

My essay:-

"The first time I was introduced to chess was on my 6th birthday. My aunt gave me a chess board as a gift and the moment I got it I put it right next to the gifts I was never going to use. With all the summer vacations to enjoy by playing fifa and cricket, I was going to have the best time of my life. Soon I was bored of playing fifa on my PS2; I went to my room and started looking for stuff I could have fun with. I found a box in my cupboard, covered with dust and torn plastic on the front. I took it out, dusted it off and went to the lounge with the box. "Chess for children above 5 years", were the words on the top of the box. I opened the box and threw the pieces on the table. A boy who just turned six was naturally going to be attracted to the horse like piece and so I was. I was playing with the pieces on the table, smashing them with each other when my father said, "that's a knight"." That's not a knight. A knight wears armor and carries a lance. This is just a horse"." In chess, we call this piece a knight and there's the white bishop. A bishop moves diagonally while the knight moves in an L shape." By the end of our conversation, not only did I know all the basic rules of chess, but also I knew how to place those pieces on the board.

I didn't really develop a strong interest in chess, only playing a game or two with my father whenever we found time, until I watched a documentary about the finest chess player who ever lived- Bobby Fischer. I was amazed and awestruck after I watched his documentary. Bobby Fischer had a tough childhood and the chess board was a place where he could find peace and solemn. I wanted to do the same. The 1972 chess championship match between Boriss Spassky and Bobby Fischer truly inspired me to play chess more regularly. After this, I always had a chess board on my table and I would play anyone whom I got the chance to play with. It wasn't about winning or losing for me- it was about the hour I spent learning how to think like a chess master. I was hungry for chess. My father noticed my increasing interest in chess and thus gave me his old chess book, "Bobby Fischer Teaches Chess". I would go through sleepless nights to learn his moves and practice them on either myself or my father. When I started to beat my father in chess, I knew I had to move on to improve myself as a player. I would go to the local library and borrow any or all chess books I could find. Now I play chess on a regular basis, if not with my father or friends, I turn on the computer and play with aspiring chess masters from all around the world on chess . com. Whenever I have the time I go to chess forums to give back to chess what I learned from it. I recommend people chess books, inspire them by stories of great chess players and answer their queries. Every day I open the games section of the newspaper and solve the chess problem. I can't imagine living my life without chess.

My passion for chess directly translates to my passion for mathematics and physics. Chess has made me realize that knowledge is power, and since then my thirst for learning has only increased. My interest in mathematics and physics is primarily related to chess, because chess has taught me to think logically. In chess, I persist until I find a possible checkmate from hundreds of complicated moves. Thinking ahead of my opponents, persisting till I find a breakthrough, applying logic to a question and most importantly immersing myself into something I love are the qualities which reflect directly on my personality. In chess they say that if you can control the central part of the board, then you have a great chance of winning. Being a part of an undergraduate program is a central part of my life, and I hope to absorb all the knowledge I can from your university to succeed in the future."