Writing Feedback / IELTS : Tradations and money-making attractions aimed at tourists [7]

I try to improve the coherence of my eassy, I do not know if this eassy is OK.

Topic:
Some people think that culture traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed to tourists. Others believed that it is the only way that traditions can be remained in the world. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Eassy:
The opinion differs in whether culture traditions might be destroyed when used as money- making attractions. Some people think that too much commercial behaviour harm the reservation for traditions. While some people consider that the value of heritage should be show to public.

Cultural heritage is under threat of destruction by numerous tourists. In other words, they do not have the awareness of protecting heritage. For instance, it is reported that the wall of some famous buildings, such as Great Wall, are full of slogan and scrawl written by tourists. What is more, some caves, which is far back thousand years ago, is corroded by carbon dioxide result of too much tourists visiting. Not only the tourists but also the managers of traditions will destroy them for money. Some inherited historical buildings are even reformed as business places such as restaurants and shop, which have lost the value of visiting.

However, famous buildings and museums need money to repair and maintain. For example, in some places, the local government reduce the financial budget of traditions, so the managers of traditions have to open them to public to earn money for supporting daily maintain. What is more, opening them to public is a good way to propagate their culture such as printing and traditional skills. In west of China, as a type of pottery making skill is all most vanished, the government show the ancient pottery factory attracting people, especially the youth, learn this skill.

My view is that traditions should be opened to public, but should be restricted. Traditions is a good place for people to get to know the culture and history of one nation. Also the income from tickets is can be used for fixing these important places. But the traditions and environment around and buildings should not be destroyed by earning money. So a period of time in onw year should be closed for repairing the traditions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : consumers and advertisements [3]

I am very glad if you can help me improve my level of writing. what are the significant problems in my essay? vocabulary, grammer, coherence or structure ...?Thank you!

Topic:
Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?

Essay:
Nowadays, advertisements can be seen in everywhere. If you take bus, advertisements will be printed in the surface of buses or the seats where you sit. In the meanwhile people can see them on the lift which you take every day and facade of buildings. It is undeniable that people are indoctrinated product information by advertisements, which have influenced their behaviour towards buying commodities.

Many people reckon that they connect productions which are recommended by celebrities with high quality. So that, built on such fact, organisations are willing to invite famous film stars, singer stars, and exceptional player to propagate the productions. However, these stars do not know if the productions are really useful, or even more, they do not care! While, after using the cosmetics or health productions recommended by them, some consumers realized that the companies advocate too much about these productions. In other words, they are not as useful as they indicated in the commercials. Far from that, people's email boxes and telephones are filled with rubbish letters and messages of commercials, which decrease the efficiency of work and study, result of people's distaste.

There are two methods deal with false commercials and rubbish letters and messages. Firstly, the government should set up a policy which regulate the content in the advertisements, making sure the reality of propaganda. More over, The organisations and enterprises should invest most of their capital in the improvement of quality of productions instead of inviting celebrities advertise these commercials. Beyond that, consumers should know the tricks in advertisements.

In conclusion, people have can not ignore the advertisement impact on people's habitat in buying thinks. However, people should treat these advertisements neutrally as there are too much unreal propaganda in them. Meanwhile, the government and organization should response for the content in the advertisements.