Posts by jdg

jdg

Dec 10, 2013

Undergraduate / The snarling of the trumpet soloist snaps me back into reality; perfectly content. [2]

I think the second paragraph would be better as in intro - start out with a very clear image to catch their attention, and the first one would make a good conclusion (although you may need to reword the last sentence if you made it a conclusion)

jdg

Dec 10, 2013

Undergraduate / I begin to reminisce back to my freshman year; place perfectly content. [3]

I would definitely start with the image of that moment when you knew that marching band was where you belonged - that you were perfectly content - then go into the more detailed stuff. You want to catch the reader's attention first.

jdg

Dec 10, 2013

Undergraduate / I'm conflicted when it comes to my hopes of you; Stanford " future roommate" [13]

Thanks for the advice. Honestly though, that is me - I'm obsessed with robotics, so much so that I spend a lot of my free time designing robots on my computers, I mentor other teams, and I do think calculus is fun. I love languages and I do occasionally switch languages on my friends even if they don't know the language I'm speaking in, and I do have the kind of dry sense of humor that makes jokes about grammar errors. What would you suggest changing so that it doesn't come off like I'm trying to sound like what they want to hear because after showing this to a few of my friends, they said it sounded like me ...

jdg

Dec 10, 2013

Undergraduate / I'm conflicted when it comes to my hopes of you; Stanford " future roommate" [13]

After getting some advice from friends, I made a few stylistic changes to try to make it a little more engaging. This is now exactly at the 250 word limit whereas the other was over. Any suggestions to make it flow better would be helpful, although I want to maintain some of the sporadic nature. Also, if you can help me cut down on words, there are a few things I'd like to include if I had more space available.

To my future roommate,
My name is Jesse. I come from an area with cold winters so I will take every opportunity to enjoy the beautiful Californian weather; fountain-hopping, jogging, ultimate frisbee, you name it. Expect the walls on my side of the room to be covered in white boards - calculus is so much more fun with white boards. Also, don't be surprised if robot parts show up in our room on occasion. I want to be an engineer and with the Product Realization Lab easily accessible, the designs I create in my spare time will have a habit of coming to life. There may be a period of time when I come in late and drop on my bed unconscious. If that happens, you'll know that I found a FIRST Robotics team to mentor - trust me, it's a lot more fun than it sounds. At times, you may hear me switch from English to Spanish while speaking - you aren't going crazy, I just do that sometimes because of my fascination with languages and as I learn more, expect them to become incorporated into our conversations. I don't like reading textbooks but I try to have fun with it on occasion, so if I ever point out a grammatical error in a book, please humor me and laugh. There are plenty of other things I could say about myself, but we have lots of time for that later. I look forward to meeting you soon, see you on The Farm!

jdg

Dec 10, 2013

Undergraduate / I'm conflicted when it comes to my hopes of you; Stanford " future roommate" [13]

Glad to know that I'm headed in the right direction with the latest revision! Does anyone have any thoughts on how I can cut down on words? I am about 20 or so over the 250 word limit.

jdg

Dec 9, 2013

Undergraduate / I'm conflicted when it comes to my hopes of you; Stanford " future roommate" [13]

Aw, this letter is adorable! It actually captures your personality! :)

thanks!

jdg

Dec 9, 2013

Undergraduate / I'm conflicted when it comes to my hopes of you; Stanford " future roommate" [13]

OK, so I think I may have found a better way to write this - sorry about the previous versions, I know they weren't what they should have been but I was at a bit of a loss ... here is what I have now.

To my future roommate,
We'll be spending a lot of time together over the next year, and I'm sure we'll get to know one another pretty well in that period, but let me get things started by introducing myself. My name is Jesse. I come from an area with cold winters so I'm going take every opportunity to enjoy the beautiful California weather; fountain-hopping, jogging, Ultimate Frisbee, you name it. I am going to be an engineer so expect the walls on my side of the room to be covered in whiteboards - calculus is so much more fun on whiteboards - and with the Product Realization Lab easily accessible, don't be surprised if parts I've designed in my spare time show up in our room on occasion. I plan to find a local FIRST Robotics team to mentor so there will probably be a six-week period when I will come in late at night and simply drop on my bed unconscious. Trust me though, it's all for fun. At times, you may hear me switch from English to Spanish while speaking - you aren't going crazy, I just do that sometimes because of my fascination with languages and as I learn more, expect them to become incorporated into our conversations. I don't particularly enjoy reading textbooks but I try to have fun with it on occasion, so if I ever point out a grammatical error in a book, please humor me and laugh. There are plenty of other things I could say about myself, but we have lots of time for that later. I look forward to meeting you soon, see you on The Farm!

jdg

Dec 6, 2013

Undergraduate / I'm conflicted when it comes to my hopes of you; Stanford " future roommate" [13]

Prompt: Write a letter to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - get to know you better (250 words)

So I'm having issues capturing me in this essay - I have two drafts of it below

To my future roommate,
We don't know each other yet, but one thing is certain, you must be pretty cool and smart because you got into Stanford. Since we'll be sharing a room, let's get acquainted by listing a few things you should know about me:

- I love math and science, especially anything to do with robots.
- I love languages. I want to be the guy who can switch between five different languages mid-sentence and be understood in each.
- I don't take my commitments lightly. If I say I'm going to do something, it will get done.
- I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor - I once joked about how fun the FUNdamental theorem of calculus is.
- I enjoy being active. I've done martial arts since age four and plan to continue while at Stanford but I'm also interested in trying new things like fencing or Ultimate Frisbee.

- I tend to live in my head. I can be content sitting, contemplating, and staring off into the distance, even if the distance is only a wall five feet in front of me.

- Although I rarely say it, my friends are important to me.
- I am quick to help others. If you are ever up late with homework, I'll do my best to help out - even if I'm swamped with my own work and know barely anything about the topic.

I look forward to meeting you in person!
Jesse

To my future roommate,
I'm conflicted when it comes to my hopes of you. Part of me wants you to be a fellow engineering major and the
other doesn't. Most of my friends share the dream of becoming an engineer which means they have intellectual interests
similar to my own - a love of math and science among others. If you too are a future engineer, then we could help each

other with homework as needed, discuss the latest class topics, laugh at my dry, punny math jokes like how fun the
FUNdamental theorem of calculus is, maybe even collaborate on research and I can guarantee that if you aren't already a
FIRST Robotics Competition (FRC) acolyte, I will convert you and we'll mentor a team together. On the other hand,
conversations with my non-engineering friends are always intriguing. I have one friend for example, whose knowledge of
philosophy and economics honestly makes me feel stupid. Even though this is an abnormal feeling for me, I recognize it as
an opportunity to challenge my mind and to learn. Regardless of your major however, there are a few things you should know
about me. I'm a perfectionist, but would never pretend to be very well organized - as long as you don't just throw things

on the floor, we'll get along fine.
I look forward to getting to know you over this next year. See you on "The Farm!"
Jesse

I feel like the second one is too formal, but I also worry that the first one doesn't flow well enough. If the second draft works better, then I need to cut down on words because there are a few points from the first that I'd like to include ("Living in my head" for one) but that I don't currently have room for. Any suggestions are welcome!