Undergraduate / Art Institute of Seattle Audio Production - Music has always been a part of me! [4]

Music has always been a part of me, most of my life I have been raised in a mostly musician family.

This is a run-on sentence.

Growing up I remember our family gatherings seemed as if they where music festivals, I would always play the bongos and the congas and I would always try to match the rhythm.

This is a run-on sentence with few typos. Moreover, "seem" and "as if" have a same meaning; therefore, you should only use one.

Every time I watched my Dad play his guitar and cuatro it would always inspire me to become a famous musician one day.

Add some commas to this sentence.

When we moved to Washington I began to listen to Reggaeton a blend of hip-hop, reggae and Latin beats.

Add some commas to this sentence.

Back then it felt like it was the only thing I had left from my home Puerto Rico, I began to get inspired by Artist like Daddy Yankee, Don Omar and Julio Voltio.

This is a run-on sentence.

One day I watched a movie called Feel the Noise, taking place in Puerto Rico about a young man from South Bronx named Rob, dreaming of making it in the music industry recording and producing a record with his brother Javy.

This sentence is a bit awkward. You may want to rephrase it.

The movie had really inspired me more than anything.

This movie or that movie.

I got so inspired that I began to set up the equipment in my room, I began to stay up late at night researching on how to make beats.

This is another run-on sentence.

My passion got so strong that I kept at it for the past three years.

What is "kept at it?"

There are differences among a comma, a semicolon, and a period.

Overall, I think the introduction is fine.

Undergraduate / 'This is my journey..' Recovering addict that has built a successful life - transfer essay [4]

If we were introduced, you would see a clean cut, well dressed, straight A student who is an active member of the community, and financially self supporting through a full-time job at a fine dining restaurant in Miami. That is just the tip of the iceberg, there is more beneath the surface. This is my journey...

As I looked down at the IVs in my arm and gazed foggily around the room, I was lying in a hospital bed. I searched through my hazy, unfocused mind, trying to remember what had happened previously. I was fully addicted to drugs and alcohol and could not stop using them; then I stopped breathing: I had overdosed. In the chair beside me, my mom sat crying. I knew what she was thinking: thank God he did not pass away like his two best friends.(Personally, I think it is as same as the following sentence) I said, "I am so sorry." She said, "I love you, thank God you are alive." This near death experience allowed me to reflect and thank the deity I had stopped believing in years before for saving my life. I have come to believe there is a reason I am alive, that there is something more that I am meant for. My best friends were taken back after they served their purpose on earth; they are both angels. I have not yet finished my purpose.(Personally, I would cut off this sentence.)

As a child, I had a drive to succeed in all aspects of life. When I was twelve years old, I tried my first drink of alcohol and drug; my life, determination and perspective began regressing at that moment. I was a good kid that tried things that there was no going back from.(This sentence is awkward to me.) Through my use of drugs and alcohol, I became apathetic; I started to realize that I could not stop. My teenage years were devoted to substances that took precedence over my grades, standardized tests, extra curriculars, family, or a future.

Experiencing hardships and pain, as well as an inclination of hope and a desire for a great life, provided me the inspiration for my first steps in recovery.(Maybe you want to cut off some words here?)I learned throughout this process, that pushing myself out of my comfort zone, challenging my limits, and exceeding all expectations set for myself propelled me to embark once again on an academic journey.

While at Miami Dade College, I learned to balance and excel in my activities as a full-time waiter, leader, volunteer, and mentor to people who have experienced similar struggles. By overcoming all the odds stacked against me, I have learned to value success. Success is a top priority for me that has manifested academically as well as being a beacon of change for others, proving that anything is capable (possible?) no matter what adversity one has endured in their past; anyone can change. Today, I give back to the community for a life-debt that I can never truly repay, strive to grow and learn in all of life's aspects, and live not only for myself, but for my two best friends who passed too young.

As I approach graduation, I look back upon my time spent as a student at Miami Dade College and am filled with gratitude for the lessons, opportunities and relationships it has given me given opportunities and relationships,and the privilege of enduring, providing me with all of the necessary factors to become a successful transfer student. With confidence, I advance toward the challenge and embrace it.

I am confident that by transferring schools and immersing myself into my studies and community, as I have, I will be able to earn a career and meaningful future. The combination of fervor and academic fortitude, along with a focus of community and the needs of the public, are all variables I consider when I envision myself at another institution. I yearn to be a part of a student body who are as dedicated and motivated as I am to continuously enhancing their lives and evolving, academically and personally. (Awkward sentence) I look forward to networking and creating lasting relationships that will thrive.

Through studying economics, marketing and accounting, among my personal learning in finance, the complexities of the business world have become more clear. I have thoroughly enjoyed learning in my required courses at school, but in particular my business classes. My enjoyment and perceptive interest in this area has propelled me to pursue a business career, specifically in the private financial sector. The thrill of studying markets volatility and unpredictability is my goal for later in life. With an attitude of unyielding perseverance, faith and courage to take on any arduous task, I will feel honored to attend an institution that fosters these principles and furthers these perspectives.

I am not so sure how the last paragraph is relating to your previous paragraphs.

Undergraduate / 'This is my journey..' Recovering addict that has built a successful life - transfer essay [4]

It as a touching and powerful story.
However, drug use is one of the "bad essay topics" for college admission.
If you really think this essay show yourself and there is nothing else can compare to this topic, then I guess don't change it.

Undergraduate / I despise school - I have a story to tell UChicago [3]

It is a very touching story! However, I won't give you a candy.

I despise school. Climbing out of our 2007 white Honda minivan I hear, "Hey! It's the fatso chink!"

The first sentence does not connect with the second sentence.

Climbing out of our 2007 white Honda minivan I hear, "Hey! It's the fatso chink!"

You should put some commas!!

I try ignoring this insult, contemplating what goes through a bullies' minds when they utter confidence-destroying remarks.
Are you trying to say my instead of our?
Are you trying to say bullies instead of a bullies?
Moreover, the wording is very confusing.

Wondering if they are just trying to be funny or make themselves feel better by degrading others.

Who is wondering?

Walking to my first class, I'm punched in the side of my arm, hard.

You want to use punching or punched?
You want to use hardly or hard?

Although it hurts, it does not compare to the mental scars that I accumulate. Fortunately, I learn to filter out some of the constant attacks, but they still cause damage.

You want to use I have accumulated or I accumulate?
Same thing goes with "learn".

I never lash out because I know that it would be futile, resulting in more torture. With each insult, I sink deeper and deeper into my shell of insecurity. I wonder if I will ever escape.

What would be futile?

Undergraduate / "Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life"; perfectly content [4]

My only advice: you want some imagery, but not too much imagery. Sometime too much imagery would impede the reader's ability to visualize.

Undergraduate / "The day I bullied my mother" - Common App Essay Draft [6]

This story is very powerful and well written. However, i have some advice for you.
Number one: Try to answer how your identity or background was influenced by this story.
Number two: "Not a word" is a fragment.
Number three: "She showed me how forgive others and live on without hate." You might want to add a "to".