jaclyn1
Dec 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / Is competition good? Yes and No both! [3]
To start with, I'm Jaclyn and I'm still in my last year of high school.
English is not my mother tongue, and this is an essay I write for fun.
But it would be much appreciated it if someone will help me check this and tell me what I need to improve on.
Is competition good? The answer can be both yes or no, depending on what kind of competition you're inquiring about. There are various types of competition, and one that's the most obvious is competition among a group of people in which they take a test, and determine who is the best out of them based on the test results. This is initially a good way to get people to work and try harder to contend for the best place, but later, people grow weary of it. A lot find it hard to contend and the shame of not getting what they aim for, even after giving it their all is just impossible to cope with. This is where the thought of competition as a form of torment that they bring upon themselves stem from, hence the avoidance of competition as much as possible. This is also where the method which is best known as "cheating" comes from. Despite the risks they have to undertake in order to win, they convince themselves that if the prize is victory, it's worth taking the risk for. That it's the price they have to pay. People shrug off the fact that cheating is morally wrong, and start deeming cheating as acceptable, for that's what is planted in their mind since a very young age, and this is passed from age to age, and from generation to generation until there's no more fair play. And I can attest to it that people today suffer greatly for it. We think highly of ourselves, no longer find the thought of losing tolerable, we're afraid to venture into a competition because society is judgmental and people think of losing as a disgrace. Competition, as an effect, loses its true essence and meaning.
There's also a competition that we build among ourselves, which is not necessary and is really ludicrous, but is unfortunately something that we can't help. The competition of who's the most beautiful between two people, who is slimmer, who is richer, who has the most handsome boyfriend, the list goes on and on. Needless to say, we can't help comparing ourselves to other people, and the thought that people might be better than us, kills us ever so slowly. This is human nature. I won't go out and deny that this never happened to me before. People strive to be better so they can get rid of the thought, but it grows more and more, like a parasites that rests on our mind, persistent on staying and don't want to be gotten rid of. As a result, our attitude towards people that we compare ourselves to, change. We become hostile and spiteful. We start thinking of competition as something negative. Because people are afraid of losing.
In reality, competition is supposed to be a positive thing. It's supposed to be an opportunity for us to know how well we do and what place and what level we're in amongst all the contenders. Whether or not we gain victory shouldn't be a matter. If we don't get what we aim for, we can take it as an experience and try harder. Cheating shouldn't be a way out that should even cross our mind. People shouldn't be afraid of losing. I've joined several competitions at school, which I have never once won. But I persevere because I believe with each step I take I'm getting closer to victory.
To sum it up, competition can be either good or bad depending on how we choose to view it. If we think of competition as an opportunity to measure our depth of knowledge on a subject, revel in victory if we gain it and able to accept our failure as a message to try harder next time, then we will only benefit from the competition. But if we refuse to keep an open mind about it, refusing to take a step further for fear of losing, then the choice is ours.
To start with, I'm Jaclyn and I'm still in my last year of high school.
English is not my mother tongue, and this is an essay I write for fun.
But it would be much appreciated it if someone will help me check this and tell me what I need to improve on.
Is competition good? The answer can be both yes or no, depending on what kind of competition you're inquiring about. There are various types of competition, and one that's the most obvious is competition among a group of people in which they take a test, and determine who is the best out of them based on the test results. This is initially a good way to get people to work and try harder to contend for the best place, but later, people grow weary of it. A lot find it hard to contend and the shame of not getting what they aim for, even after giving it their all is just impossible to cope with. This is where the thought of competition as a form of torment that they bring upon themselves stem from, hence the avoidance of competition as much as possible. This is also where the method which is best known as "cheating" comes from. Despite the risks they have to undertake in order to win, they convince themselves that if the prize is victory, it's worth taking the risk for. That it's the price they have to pay. People shrug off the fact that cheating is morally wrong, and start deeming cheating as acceptable, for that's what is planted in their mind since a very young age, and this is passed from age to age, and from generation to generation until there's no more fair play. And I can attest to it that people today suffer greatly for it. We think highly of ourselves, no longer find the thought of losing tolerable, we're afraid to venture into a competition because society is judgmental and people think of losing as a disgrace. Competition, as an effect, loses its true essence and meaning.
There's also a competition that we build among ourselves, which is not necessary and is really ludicrous, but is unfortunately something that we can't help. The competition of who's the most beautiful between two people, who is slimmer, who is richer, who has the most handsome boyfriend, the list goes on and on. Needless to say, we can't help comparing ourselves to other people, and the thought that people might be better than us, kills us ever so slowly. This is human nature. I won't go out and deny that this never happened to me before. People strive to be better so they can get rid of the thought, but it grows more and more, like a parasites that rests on our mind, persistent on staying and don't want to be gotten rid of. As a result, our attitude towards people that we compare ourselves to, change. We become hostile and spiteful. We start thinking of competition as something negative. Because people are afraid of losing.
In reality, competition is supposed to be a positive thing. It's supposed to be an opportunity for us to know how well we do and what place and what level we're in amongst all the contenders. Whether or not we gain victory shouldn't be a matter. If we don't get what we aim for, we can take it as an experience and try harder. Cheating shouldn't be a way out that should even cross our mind. People shouldn't be afraid of losing. I've joined several competitions at school, which I have never once won. But I persevere because I believe with each step I take I'm getting closer to victory.
To sum it up, competition can be either good or bad depending on how we choose to view it. If we think of competition as an opportunity to measure our depth of knowledge on a subject, revel in victory if we gain it and able to accept our failure as a message to try harder next time, then we will only benefit from the competition. But if we refuse to keep an open mind about it, refusing to take a step further for fear of losing, then the choice is ours.
