Undergraduate / 'The score is 4-4' MIT pleasure activity essay, critique [4]

Thanks for your comment. I did write another essay just now before going to sleep and if anyone can comment on it, I would appreciate.

It's another summer morning, and I am on my way to the field. I am coaching kids from the neighborhood how to play baseball. Training under a 33°C heat is not easy, but seeing their progress after every practice always brings a big smile to my face. After every point scored they ask me if I saw it. Of course I did as I watched closely and was as nervous as them. We go through every loss together and celebrate every win as a team. Even though we lost this season, the time we spent together I will not forget. 100 words

This is the best I could do in 30 minutes. I hope this will show how close we got during this season. I fail to squeeze more emotions and detail into this, so please I need your help, thanks.

Undergraduate / 'The score is 4-4' MIT pleasure activity essay, critique [4]

Please also critique this one if you have time

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

In ***(my country) we have great environment, but unfortunately not everybody can breathe in our fresh air, drink our spring water or enjoy the beautiful view I see every day. Scientists and engineers should work together to advance humanity without devastating our nature, and I want to contribute to this by becoming a nuclear engineer. Doing research on alternative sources of energy has been my dream job. I think it will give smaller countries, like mine, an opportunity to develop without relying on imports of gas and oil, and I believe humankind will benefit from equality as more bright minds will stand out.

102 words, I think we can write more than 100 as long as it fits on the page?