Undergraduate / I've got a golden ticket! - 'try something new' [2]

A revision on my old essay topic, I would really like feedback, revisions, and a way to end it! I added material from my old essay but hopefully this is more interesting?? If you didn't know me what would you think about me?

Promt: By the end of the college application process, you will have probably written dozens of essays and responded to a multitude of questions. Use this opportunity to try something new.

I rip open the shiny plastic to reveal the creamy chocolate underneath. To my surprise there was another layer, of shiny gold. I pull out the shimmery paper and realize I have won: a golden ticket to any university of my choice! I cannot believe it, but now I have an important decision to make, what university should I choose? I have spent the last four years researching hundreds of universities, but none of them quite compare to Notre Dame. I can hardly contain myself, after all these years I finally get to go to my dream university. It would be a big change going from this Arizona heat to the cold winters up in Indiana, but I was ready to face the challenges ahead...or so I thought. I started to fear I will not fit in, after all I was not the valedictorian or athletic all-star who made the winning goal. I was not homecoming queen the popular cheerleader everyone wanted to be. I was not a national merit scholar, the greatest writer, or the best at history. I started to reconsider if Notre Dame would even want me. Then I realized, Notre Dame is much more than just test scores and grades.

Undergraduate / This isn't the story of the valedictorian or athletic all-star who made the winning goal. [4]

By the end of the college application process, you will have probably written dozens of essays and responded to a multitude of questions. Use this opportunity to try something new.

This is not the story of the valedictorian or athletic all-star who made the winning goal. I am not the girl who won homecoming queen or was the popular cheerleader everyone wanted to be. I was not a national merit scholar, the greatest writer, or the best at history. I was not the most outspoken student nor the one to inspire the world with some fascinating story. This is not a story about someone blessed enough to move here from another country or someone who had to deal with some traumatic event. Let's face it, I have more questions than answers at this point in my life. But I am someone who is dedicated. The girl that stayed countless hours after practice getting in a few extra turns and leaps. I am the one known for being part of "the other cheerleaders", or the pom-line, and could not be more proud. I am the girl that is compared to her outgoing sister just because we are twins, yet am okay with that because I know we balance each other out. The one that learned through her sister that it is okay to speak out when you are passionate about something, and it is good to surround yourselves with others who share the same values as you. I am the student that wanted to be involved in every club and activity she could until graduation. I am the girl that secretly looked forward to her science classes in the morning, and still do. I am the student that used to get so upset when a "B" appeared on a paper, and learned to realize you cannot be the greatest at everything. The girl that has changed from the awkward freshman to a senior ready enough to face the future. This is the story of Alexandrea Foster.