ramzee05
Jan 2, 2014
Undergraduate / Goals for engineers - Why am I a good fit for UPenn Engineering? [3]
Gottcha, thanks!
Gottcha, thanks!
ramzee05
Jan 2, 2014
ramzee05
Jan 2, 2014
Undergraduate / American Muslim - Rutgers Diversity [6]
Hey,
Overall, it's a good essay that answers the question pretty well. Just a few ways to make it sound better:
Should be: Growing up as an American Muslim has been one of the most challenging yet fulfilling achievements in my life.
Should be: Being born and raised in a Muslim family, I have come to realize that there are strong parallels between Islamic and American culture.
Should be: Having been exposed to both ways of life, I feel that I am capable of adapting and contributing to the diverse community that Rutgers possesses. (the word 'life' is used twice, making it redundant)
Should be: I learned to accept the basic morals and ethics of my religion, and continue to strive not only to better myself as a practicing Muslim, but to be an active member of the Muslim community in my area.
Should be: By participating in these acts of charity, I have come to understand the importance of helping those in need, no matter who they are or where they are from.
Should be: Through these gatherings, I was able to meet Christians and Jews of my age who also struggle to find a bridge to cross in terms of finding the connection between what one believes and what society dictates.
Also,I believe you should expand on the conclusion a lot more. Other than that, great essay.
Hey,
Overall, it's a good essay that answers the question pretty well. Just a few ways to make it sound better:
Growing up as an American Muslim has been one of the most challenging yet fulfilling achievements in life.
Should be: Growing up as an American Muslim has been one of the most challenging yet fulfilling achievements in my life.
Being born and raised in a Muslim family, I realized the strong parallels that both Islam and American cultures possess.
Should be: Being born and raised in a Muslim family, I have come to realize that there are strong parallels between Islamic and American culture.
Having been exposed to both ways of life throughout my life, I feel that I'm capable of adapting and contributing to the environment that Rutgers University possesses.
Should be: Having been exposed to both ways of life, I feel that I am capable of adapting and contributing to the diverse community that Rutgers possesses. (the word 'life' is used twice, making it redundant)
I learned to accept the basic morals and ethics my religion teaches, and continue to strive in becoming an active member of the Muslim community and to better myself as a practicing Muslim.
Should be: I learned to accept the basic morals and ethics of my religion, and continue to strive not only to better myself as a practicing Muslim, but to be an active member of the Muslim community in my area.
After attending these events, I realized how important it is an American Muslim to help out those in need, no matter who they are or where they're from.
Should be: By participating in these acts of charity, I have come to understand the importance of helping those in need, no matter who they are or where they are from.
Through these gatherings, I was able to meet Christians and Jews around my age who were also struggling to find that bridge to cross in terms of finding that connection between what we believe in and what society dictates.
Should be: Through these gatherings, I was able to meet Christians and Jews of my age who also struggle to find a bridge to cross in terms of finding the connection between what one believes and what society dictates.
Also,I believe you should expand on the conclusion a lot more. Other than that, great essay.
ramzee05
Jan 2, 2014
Undergraduate / Goals for engineers - Why am I a good fit for UPenn Engineering? [3]
The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school of choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals.
Please give me any feedback you have. If you think I should reword or change anything, please let me know. Thanks, planning on submitting tonight!
"So what are you doing here?" asked the ambulance driver "I mean, if you're interested in engineering, why would you spend time volunteering at a hospital?" Not willing to give a passionate speech about my love of engineering, I responded with a cliche "Well, I guess volunteering at a hospital is a good experience." We had been talking about my future plans as I sat outside the hospital waiting for my dad to pick me up. What he didn't know is that I was, and still am, interested in bioengineering, a profession that closes the gap between engineering and medicine. Tired from volunteering so early in the morning, I kept giving short answers to his questions. But when the conversation shifted to the topic of which school I wanted to attend, I couldn't help but look up at him with a smile and say "Penn Engineering!"
It has been over a year since that summer day. I had only just begun my college search, but it's interesting how I have been instinctively drawn to the University of Pennsylvania for such a long time. I have come to realize in the past year that Penn is the ideal university for an engineering devotee, and for a number of reasons. Most noteworthy is the One University Policy, which allows students like myself to develop a knowledge of various fields, a central aspect of engineering. The fact that I may pursue an engineering degree and also receive a fully-rounded liberal arts education sets Penn apart from any other university. Not only can Penn Engineering students prepare themselves for occupations that require an understanding of many fields, but they can do it at a university which is known for its interdisciplinary approach to learning.
The fact that Penn is known not only for it's academics, but research opportunities as well naturally attracts me. I believe that the success of my next few years of learning is dependent not only on the courses I take, but the experience I can have outside the classroom as well. Penn offers a wide range of research opportunities that allow students to develop real world skills, many of which I am sure to participate in, including the Rachleff Scholars Program. What's more is that bioengineering research at Penn extends into 16 categories, ranging from biomaterials to imaging theory and analysis.
In more than one way, Penn allows students to begin working towards their goals as engineers long before graduation. Many committed individuals seek to create a certain legacy. The legacy I wish to create is to solve problems that plague our world. Penn allows students to do just that with the Senior Design Project. What sets the Senior Design Project at Penn apart from such projects at other universities is that it is a year-long engagement that is integrated into the curriculum during senior year. I can't think of a better way to cap my education than to commit myself to using what I have learned to solve problems prior to my graduation.
As a person who views engineering as more of a lifestyle than an occupation, I can say with certainty that Penn is the most ideal university for me to continue my education. Not only is Penn Engineering a school which allows one to learn from some of the best in the field, but a school in which one can learn in the shadow of the nation's first scientist and engineer. I am more than ready to add to a community of thinkers and prepare myself to tackle the problems the world faces. I suppose there are many academic opportunities at Penn that interest me, but the biggest opportunity I may get from a Penn education is the ability to focus my skills and let my creativity become part of the more innovative future that lies in the years ahead.
The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school of choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals.
Please give me any feedback you have. If you think I should reword or change anything, please let me know. Thanks, planning on submitting tonight!
"So what are you doing here?" asked the ambulance driver "I mean, if you're interested in engineering, why would you spend time volunteering at a hospital?" Not willing to give a passionate speech about my love of engineering, I responded with a cliche "Well, I guess volunteering at a hospital is a good experience." We had been talking about my future plans as I sat outside the hospital waiting for my dad to pick me up. What he didn't know is that I was, and still am, interested in bioengineering, a profession that closes the gap between engineering and medicine. Tired from volunteering so early in the morning, I kept giving short answers to his questions. But when the conversation shifted to the topic of which school I wanted to attend, I couldn't help but look up at him with a smile and say "Penn Engineering!"
It has been over a year since that summer day. I had only just begun my college search, but it's interesting how I have been instinctively drawn to the University of Pennsylvania for such a long time. I have come to realize in the past year that Penn is the ideal university for an engineering devotee, and for a number of reasons. Most noteworthy is the One University Policy, which allows students like myself to develop a knowledge of various fields, a central aspect of engineering. The fact that I may pursue an engineering degree and also receive a fully-rounded liberal arts education sets Penn apart from any other university. Not only can Penn Engineering students prepare themselves for occupations that require an understanding of many fields, but they can do it at a university which is known for its interdisciplinary approach to learning.
The fact that Penn is known not only for it's academics, but research opportunities as well naturally attracts me. I believe that the success of my next few years of learning is dependent not only on the courses I take, but the experience I can have outside the classroom as well. Penn offers a wide range of research opportunities that allow students to develop real world skills, many of which I am sure to participate in, including the Rachleff Scholars Program. What's more is that bioengineering research at Penn extends into 16 categories, ranging from biomaterials to imaging theory and analysis.
In more than one way, Penn allows students to begin working towards their goals as engineers long before graduation. Many committed individuals seek to create a certain legacy. The legacy I wish to create is to solve problems that plague our world. Penn allows students to do just that with the Senior Design Project. What sets the Senior Design Project at Penn apart from such projects at other universities is that it is a year-long engagement that is integrated into the curriculum during senior year. I can't think of a better way to cap my education than to commit myself to using what I have learned to solve problems prior to my graduation.
As a person who views engineering as more of a lifestyle than an occupation, I can say with certainty that Penn is the most ideal university for me to continue my education. Not only is Penn Engineering a school which allows one to learn from some of the best in the field, but a school in which one can learn in the shadow of the nation's first scientist and engineer. I am more than ready to add to a community of thinkers and prepare myself to tackle the problems the world faces. I suppose there are many academic opportunities at Penn that interest me, but the biggest opportunity I may get from a Penn education is the ability to focus my skills and let my creativity become part of the more innovative future that lies in the years ahead.
