iamalice
Jan 6, 2014
Undergraduate / 'Stellar celebrities...' Common Application Essay Prompt 5: Behind The Beauty [NEW]
I am an international applicant so I REALLY need help on this essay. Please feel free to critique this essay and indicate any faults and tell me your impression about my writing! Thank you very much!!!!
Common Application Essay #5: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Stellar celebrities wearing flashy dresses, multicolored light beams making the shining stage like a miraculous wonder... Those had always been my impression of TV shows until I was involved in the production of a popular talk show. After a nerve-wrecking selection process, I obtained an internship position last summer at Beijing Television Station (BTV), one of the major TV networks in China. However, my high expectation for my very first job soon turned me into a state of desperate disillusionment, which, unexpectedly, had at last brought me a brand new perspective towards life and thus for the first time exposed me as an adult instead of a child.
One time, our production team invited pig owners, as well as their livestock, to film a show on pig raising. The team started cleaning after shooting the smelly animals for the whole day. 'Hey, go and wash these bowls.' yelled our supervisor. Obviously, he meant me and my fellow interns. I held the pile of bowls in my arm, and walked towards the shabby bathroom. Frankly, I was far from high spirited: I swept the floor full of dust in the morning, and then was about to clean the disgusting round bowl for pig feeding! I turned on the faucet and stared at the stream of water that gradually filled the bowls, simultaneously filling my heart full of good grievances and dissatisfactions. I perfunctorily shook the bowls, making as little contact with the muddy, oily water as possible, and then simply put the containers aside. Why should I do this? Was this what I had expected for my internship?
I complained about these nasty issues assignments with my mom as I got home, expecting her to comfort me as she would always do. Since I was a kid, my mother had always stood by me for I was her only girl and therefore the apple of her eye. Out of my expectation, however, mum became really serious with me when I told her I wanted to quit. 'I am not going there for dirty work!' I shouted. 'So who should pay your dues? Your supervisor is now in a respectable position, but how would you ever know the price she had paid?' Influenced by Chinese culture throughout her life, mom is a traditional Chinese woman who set me the standard to appreciate the crucial underlying. At that moment, I thought I grasped the core traditional Chinese value, that is, the indispensable perspiration and hardwork that are so essential for any success.
I finally realize which experience has marked my significant transition from childhood to adulthood. Mom's words led me embracing a new perspective on my job. A 2-hour long talk show was not only about the polished individuals or multicolored light beams, but also about the painstaking effort of the staff whose names merely quickly rolled over as credits at the end of the show. Things I saw had been so superficially perfect that I never bothered to uncover the rather unpleasant underlying. While I could only appreciate beautiful appearance as a child, I learn as an adult how to appreciate the very small tasks that pave ways to wonderful outcomes. In a way, the disillusionment I had experienced is a reminder of responsibility, perseverance and humbleness towards life. Inspired by my mom and my culture, tt was at this particular moment, when my eyes penetrated for the first time the glamorous surface to examine the hidden underneath, that I transformed from a child to a genuine adult.
I am an international applicant so I REALLY need help on this essay. Please feel free to critique this essay and indicate any faults and tell me your impression about my writing! Thank you very much!!!!
Common Application Essay #5: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Stellar celebrities wearing flashy dresses, multicolored light beams making the shining stage like a miraculous wonder... Those had always been my impression of TV shows until I was involved in the production of a popular talk show. After a nerve-wrecking selection process, I obtained an internship position last summer at Beijing Television Station (BTV), one of the major TV networks in China. However, my high expectation for my very first job soon turned me into a state of desperate disillusionment, which, unexpectedly, had at last brought me a brand new perspective towards life and thus for the first time exposed me as an adult instead of a child.
One time, our production team invited pig owners, as well as their livestock, to film a show on pig raising. The team started cleaning after shooting the smelly animals for the whole day. 'Hey, go and wash these bowls.' yelled our supervisor. Obviously, he meant me and my fellow interns. I held the pile of bowls in my arm, and walked towards the shabby bathroom. Frankly, I was far from high spirited: I swept the floor full of dust in the morning, and then was about to clean the disgusting round bowl for pig feeding! I turned on the faucet and stared at the stream of water that gradually filled the bowls, simultaneously filling my heart full of good grievances and dissatisfactions. I perfunctorily shook the bowls, making as little contact with the muddy, oily water as possible, and then simply put the containers aside. Why should I do this? Was this what I had expected for my internship?
I complained about these nasty issues assignments with my mom as I got home, expecting her to comfort me as she would always do. Since I was a kid, my mother had always stood by me for I was her only girl and therefore the apple of her eye. Out of my expectation, however, mum became really serious with me when I told her I wanted to quit. 'I am not going there for dirty work!' I shouted. 'So who should pay your dues? Your supervisor is now in a respectable position, but how would you ever know the price she had paid?' Influenced by Chinese culture throughout her life, mom is a traditional Chinese woman who set me the standard to appreciate the crucial underlying. At that moment, I thought I grasped the core traditional Chinese value, that is, the indispensable perspiration and hardwork that are so essential for any success.
I finally realize which experience has marked my significant transition from childhood to adulthood. Mom's words led me embracing a new perspective on my job. A 2-hour long talk show was not only about the polished individuals or multicolored light beams, but also about the painstaking effort of the staff whose names merely quickly rolled over as credits at the end of the show. Things I saw had been so superficially perfect that I never bothered to uncover the rather unpleasant underlying. While I could only appreciate beautiful appearance as a child, I learn as an adult how to appreciate the very small tasks that pave ways to wonderful outcomes. In a way, the disillusionment I had experienced is a reminder of responsibility, perseverance and humbleness towards life. Inspired by my mom and my culture, tt was at this particular moment, when my eyes penetrated for the first time the glamorous surface to examine the hidden underneath, that I transformed from a child to a genuine adult.