Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by danish_ali
Name: Danish Ali
Joined: Jan 23, 2014
Last Post: Jan 24, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Pakistan
School: Private Student

Displayed posts: 4
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danish_ali   
Jan 24, 2014
Undergraduate / ILLEGAL DRUGS; **UWC PAKISTAN** ; Current problem in Pakistan [7]

Don't have too much capitalized words. That disturbs your flow.

I hope this info helped you^^

Thank you for the comments.I Re-edited the essay. Is this one some better??
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Terrorism, Genocide, Corruption, Inflation & Energy crisis. these are the biggest issue which our nation is suffering through right now,Judging by coverage garnered in the media. Markus Zusak said: "Big things are often just little things that people notice" Personally, the 'little thing' I noticed which plagues this country and doesn't receive any special attention; neither from higher-ups nor from general public was this.

3 years ago, when I got admission in a popular public school',because of my devolping interest in 'Psychological Studies', I started trying to observe and understand our diverse mooded community. Based on analysis of my friends who hailed from different economic classes, I stumbled across a shocking revelation. Drugs could be the next big threat to the reputation and well-being of Pakistani society. In particular, the widespread usage and extremely easy access to drugs by teenagers.

According to my personal experience and analysis, at least 4 out of every 100 high school students have direct links to weed and alcohol dealers/hotspots. Its popularity has increased at such an extent that I have been witness to students taking up 'hash' in classrooms while hiding it inside their geometry boxes, pen-caps, wallets etc. A huge proportion of our 'new' generation has fallen victim to this evil.

Lackadaisical gaurdians are prime factor for the spread of this curse. As majority of its victims are those who don't get enough attention from parents and are regularly mistreated or even insulted in some instances by teachers. Thus a thirst to be 'accepted' and 'desired' by their peers drives them to this practice.

Banning the Shisha cafes was an appreciable step by Govt. as these places had an important role in encouraging drug community but it hasn`t been completely effective due to rampant corruption among the Police force. Counseling facilities and a massive campaign for public awareness should be immediately set up. Secondly, Government should regulate zero-tolerance policies for finding and closing of places promoting such practices. Teachers should be encouraged to focus on all students equally. Teenagers should be encouraged to devote their youthful energy to healthy avenues such as sports instead of dabbling in injurious practices such as these.
danish_ali   
Jan 23, 2014
Scholarship / I will have to get straight A's; Long and short term goals! [6]

I will go to the gym and exercise and even eat healthier in order to have a healthier way of living

I will join a gym and start eating healthier foods for a better way of living.

I want to be able to have explored the world and my youth

I want to enjoy my youth and explore the world to the fullest

Also I want to travel the world after college; the main places I want to go are Australia, South America, and Asia

You are talking about almost the whole continents, try to be more specific for the "MAIN PLACES"

Another short-term I want, it is to attain is to get a part time job to help my parents with the tuition to college.

Another short term goal that I want is to get a part time job to help my parents with the "college fees" ( I assume that by *tuition* u meant fees because at my place it is used like this,Write the original words if im wrong ;) :) )

These sound more less like definitions. The admission panel would not be interested know such theory or general knowledge.

I would appreciate if you will take a look at my essay too :)
danish_ali   
Jan 23, 2014
Undergraduate / ILLEGAL DRUGS; **UWC PAKISTAN** ; Current problem in Pakistan [7]

Discuss a problem that we are currently facing in Pakistan. Include possible solutions in your discussion (350 words).
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need help for word limit check + suggestions for improving and sentence structure reformatting.
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Terrorism, Religious genocide,Corruption,Expensiveness & Load-shedding.With high coverage in media,these are some of the known big problems which our nation is suffering through.As Markus Zusak said: "Big things are often just little things that people notice". So There is another dilemma I would like to talk about, which haven`t got any special attention yet ,neither from higher chairs nor from public.

3 years ago when I got admission in a popular public school,due to personal interest in psychological studies,I started trying to observe and understand our diverse-mooded community,supported by the fact of having every kind of friends from lowest to highest economical classes. And the shocking thing I figured out was that Drugs could be the next Big threat to the reputation and well being of our nation and country,To be particular, specially the Usage and access to Drugs by male Teenagers.

As to my personal experience and information, at least 3-4 out of every 100 boy high school students have direct links/access to hashish and alcohol dealers/hotspots. It`s popularity index is increasing at such a pace that i have seen ,in person, students secretly taking up hash even in classrooms while hiding it inside their geometry boxes, pen-caps.A huge proportion of our upcoming generation is being hunted by this curse.

Neglectfulness and carelessness by both teachers and parents is also involved in it`s promotion,As majority of it`s victims are those who did`nt got enough attention or politeness from parents and who were regularly mistreated or insulted by teachers in classrooms,So they choose these things for The attention demand and any kind of appraisal by the other fellows.

Banning the Shisha cafes was an appreciable step by Govt. as these places had an important role in encouraging drug community but it haven`t been completely successful due to side-support of high command some police officers.So Govt. need to take more strict and effective steps for finding and closing of places promoting such traditions.Also teachers and parents need to have deep checks & to be more involved,friendly and polite towards their child`s life specially during their adolescent period.Wide Promotion of sports would also give an effective impact on reduction of this black industry.
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