Posts by oreo2016

oreo2016

Feb 13, 2014

Undergraduate / Personal Statement for University of Washington - Academic History [2]

You need to work on the transitions. There is a lot that you are required to put in the essay, but you have to have flow between the topics. How do they relate?

Overall, I liked essay just work on the "connections".

For the culture essay, you could talk about your family's culture: their culture and values to persevere in hard times, their work ethic, etc.. If you have a close knit community at school, talk about what you have learned from others helping one another. You could really use anything that relates to a community whether family, friends, religion, school, or work.

Please review my essay. Its labeled "How to make my essay..." -Thanks

oreo2016

Feb 13, 2014

Undergraduate / How to make my essay more rememberable?-Virginia tech transfer [4]

Hey guys, I am transferring to Virginia tech and this is the Personal statement prompt "State why you wish to leave your present college and attend Virginia tech? maximum 250 words

I am having trouble making it personal and rememberable with so few words. I am also about 20 words over limit. What can I take out without taking away from the meaning.

When answering the question: "what are your career goals?", for my eighth grade scrapbook project, I answered, a biologist; and when the admissions officer interviewing me for the early college program at X College, I said again, a biologist-today that still hasn't changed. I know what I want. Now a sophomore at X at 18, I couldn't be more sure. I have had opportunites in college at 16 that my highschool peers havent got to experience yet. I have planned and executed an entire ceremony for the entire freshman class as a freshman, worked with international students from all over the world, and conducted experiments and dissections on a variety of subjects.

Yet, some things are missing socially and academically. I have an interest in biomedical engineering that I can not pursue at my current college nor is there enough research opportunites for me to participate in. I am also a commuter so I don't have a traditional college experience like I would if I lived on campus and even if I did, the campus is not active and most students leave over the weekend. Additionally, I would like to have a stronger Native American community than I do now being 1 of 3 Natives on campus.

Virginia Tech provides me with a large, beautiful campus with active students and Native American community. And as a respected engineering and research university, it has numerous opportunites for me to participate in research and pursue a minor in biomedical engineering. I look forward to stepping on the Virginia Tech campus as a junior in the fall.