Scholarship / Scholarship essay: "Are you sure you want to do Industrial Engineering?" [3]

Hi Guys, I am rosalina from Indonesia. Be honest, this is my first time ever to write an essay for scholarship application by national foundation. So, please help me to check my essay. My essay is totally not good. I hope you guys really help me. I am from a country which not using English as the first language, so I got difficultiness in English writing. Thank you so much.

prompt : Describe your field of study and what has influenced your decision to pursue this path. How would this scholarship help you to achieve your goals and facilitate your growth as a leader in your chiseb field (1000 words or less).

" Are you sure you want to do Industrial Engineering ? " the man asked. Then, I had to think twice. It seemed a little uncommon for woman to pursue Engineering but now it isan equality era, woman and man are equal. I thought becoming a woman who could operate machines is unique. Untill a day my brother said,"Why would you be an engineer ?I was incapable as a man. I do not say this on purpose but this is the majority. Woman did not have logical thinking as good as man's. Do you get it ? ". Those words mademe think a lot but I was determined to prove to my brother that I was capable.My high school field trip to Brawijaya University in sophomore year was my first encounter with Industrial Engineering. When the presentation was running, a lecturer asked me, "Which one is more dangerous between a doctor and a gun owner ?" I answered, a gun-owner. He replied, "It would be better if you get into this college". That word has motivated me to take this major.

I finally decided to major in Industrial Engineering. Mostly people did not know what exactly Industrial Engineering was. They asked, "How is it different than Mechanical Engineering or Chemical Engineering ? This area of engineering covers the design, improvement, and installation of integrated systems of men, materials, information, energy, and equipments. It draws upon specialized knowledge and skill in mathematical, physical and social sciences together with the principles and methods of engineering analysis and design to specify, predict and evaluate the result to be obtained from such systems.

Industrial Engineering focuses more on how to distribute human resources. The alumnaeare prepared to be a leader who is responsible for all production proccesses. This includes how to choose the raw materials, machines, manufacturing proccess, human elements, marketing strategy, wastes, workship division, workers' salary, and many more. Hence leadership skill is absolutely needed. Since sophomore years, students are encourageddo internship in industrial management, for instance, doing PPIC (Production Planning and Inventory Control). The scope of this workis managing new item or material, inventory management, planning and monitoring of production proccesses. Thinking strategically and designing the work station andproducts are also needed. No wondermany people said that the scope of Industrial Engineering covers consist others engineering subject such as civil, architecture, mechanical, and chemical. I certainly agree to this argument, since the leader needs to understand the basic of each subject.

My ambition in engineering scope was completely grew more when I read on a board of my college about GE Foundation scholarship. I read the requirements and profil of GE Foundation itself. It encouraged me to not think twice to apply. The program offered was interesting, it created opportunities for students to develop and realize their potential by providing them with practical training and leadership development. This scholarship program would support me to reach my goal as an industrial engineer. My goals are being a CEO of the company, it would need leadeship skills. Though I got some lessons about leadership in my college and organizations (in university and out of university), but by practical training that held by GE Foundation I could get more experience in leadership skills, and it would be great since I could meet with other students college who are having the same goals as me, working, sharing, and training together. I would get more new friends and networks.