glensnicholas
Feb 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / Why people go to Japan for vacation (Writing Class' assignment - English Major) [4]
So guys, I'm an Indonesian majoring in English at my country, and I've got to the point where I have to write essays for writing class. I'm still at the second semester, and previously I only learned to write paragraph. I could do just fine writing paragraphs, but when writing essays, I don't know what to write. I think it's mainly because I have to search for sources on the internet, and I just don't know how to research properly and put it in my essay. You can say I'm overwhelmed because there are so many results, and I'm kept being reminded to search for reliable sources so no yahoo answer, wikipedia, blogspot and the likes (wikipedia is fine if you use the citations as the sources though)
So, here's my assignment for this week:
"Thesis Statement : Japan is regarded as one of the best country to spend your holiday on because of the following reasons.
Body paragraph 1:
Topic sentence : The first reason is, Japan has a very distinct and unique culture . Ranging from the multitude of traditional culture like the festivals, tradition and event, to the modern culture like the otaku culture (the anime and manga culture) and entertainment. You will find that Japan provides a very interesting blend of old and new. The technology used are very advanced and futuristic. The people there are fascinating too. They are mostly polite and friendly to foreigners. Usually, among the many reasons people visit Japan, the culture is included in that reasons, too.
Body paragraph 2
Topic sentence : The second reason is, Japan is beautiful. The country is really beautiful and there are so many attractive places to visit wherever you go. If you go there when it is spring there, you can see the very beautiful sakura or cherry blossoms. And there are the shrines, castles, and hot springs to visit. The cities are very beautiful at night, too. All in all, Japan is a feast to the eyes if you love sightseeing.
Body paragraph 3
Topic sentence : The third reason is the foods are great. Japan is filled with many special foods that originates from it such as ramen, sushi, okonomiyaki, onigiri and takoyaki and they are very delicious. There are food vendors and restaurants everywhere that serve Japan's unique foods so you can be sure to find them everywhere you go. There are also many buffet or all you can eat restaurants where you cook the foods provided yourself. In short, Japan is filled with delicious foods that you can indulge in.
Conclusion :
For these reasons, many people visit Japan and love it. Japan is clearly one of the place you should visit in your life."
I know it's bad, I don't put any sources (so it's mostly what I know about Japan), some are just made up. I can't act upon my lecturer's advice because I honestly don't know how to revise it (Yeah, I know it have to be revised or I'll get bad scores) and it's not complete yet because it's still the outline.
For comparison, the previous assignment:
"As of late, the internet has become more commonplace and widespread than ever. According to the International Telecommunications Union, there is approximately 2.769 billion internet users worldwide in 2013. As you can see, judging by the number of users, Internet is really prevalent. What are the advantages of internet, that so many people are using it (and are increasing every year)? The advantages of internet are: it enables you to connect with everyone around the world, it has a plethora of information, and it makes life more convenient.
Firstly, the internet enables you to connect with everyone around the world as long as they are also on the internet. This is very useful in so many ways; like enabling you to communicate with friends and family from the other side of the globe, to converse with people online that share the same interest with you, to keep in touch with loved ones, and many more. You can do all this via the abundance of messenger, chat rooms, and forums available and most of them are free. Internet is the place where people from different background and cultures intersect, so if you hang around there often, you will most likely learn something new as communication is one of the crucial door to knowledge, and it will expand and broaden your mind and horizon.
Secondly, the internet has a very vast amount of information readily available. You can type anything you want to know or you want to find on any search engine, and you will bound to find information about it - whether just the general knowledge about it, or more advanced and specific knowledge. You can search for anything - be it songs, application or programs, games...You name it. To put it simply, it is not an exaggeration when they said everything is on the internet. It is no surprise that more and more people are accessing the internet every day.
Last but not least, it makes life more convenient in general. If you are too busy to attend classes for college, there are online classes available. If you want to order food, you can order it online. If you want to buy things, you can buy it online too and have it delivered to your doorstep. You can find almost anything easily, so you do not have to waste too much time researching it offline. I can go on and on, but the gist is that the internet is just very convenient.
To conclude, the internet is really useful with so many advantageous things it has to offer. I am using the internet every day as we speak to check on stuffs, news, to keep updated on my friends and families activities, to converse with them, and so on. Internet has helped me in more ways than one, and it is just too convenient for me to let go. The advantages it has outweigh the disadvantages, and it is truly a boon to mankind. If you have not taken advantage of the internet yet, you should now! "
This is (maybe) better because the topic wasn't too hard - I could think of everything in my head so I didn't have to search for sources (well I put only one because it's required, it's only about the number of internet users in 2012). But I can't do that in this assignment.
Your help is greatly appreciated. I'm trying to save my college life and by helping me, you just prevent me from redoing this class (yeah, I'm really depressed about this, I'm scared that I have to redo this class and I can't graduate early because of that). Thanks in advance guys!
Here's the assignment's prompt
"Why people choose to go to a particular location for holiday
Bali
European travelers may be starting to view Bali, especially the southern part of the island, as a less attractive holiday destination as accommodation prices soar uncontrollably. Putu Winastra, deputy chairman of the Bali branch of the Association of Indonesian Tour and Travel Agencies (ASITA) said that European tourists had always paid serious attention to the condition of destinations they intended to visit.
"In the last five years, many European visitors have lodged complaints over the worsening environmental condition of Bali - lingering traffic jams, garbage, as well as the rising cost of hotels and accommodation facilities here," Winastra said. On top of that, Bali has been growing very fast and is considered too crowded and uncomfortable as a holiday destination for many visitors.
Task: research on the internet on the reasons why people choose to go a particular location for holiday and then develop your essay. Remember to use good and reliable sources!
Direction:
Write the essay in Google Docs.
An essay consists of:
An introduction / introductory paragraph
Body paragraphs (at least three)
A conclusion / concluding paragraph
Don't forget that the essay must have:
A clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction
Topic sentence for each body paragraph
Supporting sentences that further describe the topic sentence of each body paragraph
Recheck your grammar for any errors, such as in grammar or spelling.
Set the link sharing to Anyone with the link can comment.
Copy and paste the link to your writing in this thread and the browse button below.
Ask your friends to give comments on your writing.
Read your friends' comments, and make revision to your writing where necessary."
So guys, I'm an Indonesian majoring in English at my country, and I've got to the point where I have to write essays for writing class. I'm still at the second semester, and previously I only learned to write paragraph. I could do just fine writing paragraphs, but when writing essays, I don't know what to write. I think it's mainly because I have to search for sources on the internet, and I just don't know how to research properly and put it in my essay. You can say I'm overwhelmed because there are so many results, and I'm kept being reminded to search for reliable sources so no yahoo answer, wikipedia, blogspot and the likes (wikipedia is fine if you use the citations as the sources though)
So, here's my assignment for this week:
"Thesis Statement : Japan is regarded as one of the best country to spend your holiday on because of the following reasons.
Body paragraph 1:
Topic sentence : The first reason is, Japan has a very distinct and unique culture . Ranging from the multitude of traditional culture like the festivals, tradition and event, to the modern culture like the otaku culture (the anime and manga culture) and entertainment. You will find that Japan provides a very interesting blend of old and new. The technology used are very advanced and futuristic. The people there are fascinating too. They are mostly polite and friendly to foreigners. Usually, among the many reasons people visit Japan, the culture is included in that reasons, too.
Body paragraph 2
Topic sentence : The second reason is, Japan is beautiful. The country is really beautiful and there are so many attractive places to visit wherever you go. If you go there when it is spring there, you can see the very beautiful sakura or cherry blossoms. And there are the shrines, castles, and hot springs to visit. The cities are very beautiful at night, too. All in all, Japan is a feast to the eyes if you love sightseeing.
Body paragraph 3
Topic sentence : The third reason is the foods are great. Japan is filled with many special foods that originates from it such as ramen, sushi, okonomiyaki, onigiri and takoyaki and they are very delicious. There are food vendors and restaurants everywhere that serve Japan's unique foods so you can be sure to find them everywhere you go. There are also many buffet or all you can eat restaurants where you cook the foods provided yourself. In short, Japan is filled with delicious foods that you can indulge in.
Conclusion :
For these reasons, many people visit Japan and love it. Japan is clearly one of the place you should visit in your life."
I know it's bad, I don't put any sources (so it's mostly what I know about Japan), some are just made up. I can't act upon my lecturer's advice because I honestly don't know how to revise it (Yeah, I know it have to be revised or I'll get bad scores) and it's not complete yet because it's still the outline.
For comparison, the previous assignment:
"As of late, the internet has become more commonplace and widespread than ever. According to the International Telecommunications Union, there is approximately 2.769 billion internet users worldwide in 2013. As you can see, judging by the number of users, Internet is really prevalent. What are the advantages of internet, that so many people are using it (and are increasing every year)? The advantages of internet are: it enables you to connect with everyone around the world, it has a plethora of information, and it makes life more convenient.
Firstly, the internet enables you to connect with everyone around the world as long as they are also on the internet. This is very useful in so many ways; like enabling you to communicate with friends and family from the other side of the globe, to converse with people online that share the same interest with you, to keep in touch with loved ones, and many more. You can do all this via the abundance of messenger, chat rooms, and forums available and most of them are free. Internet is the place where people from different background and cultures intersect, so if you hang around there often, you will most likely learn something new as communication is one of the crucial door to knowledge, and it will expand and broaden your mind and horizon.
Secondly, the internet has a very vast amount of information readily available. You can type anything you want to know or you want to find on any search engine, and you will bound to find information about it - whether just the general knowledge about it, or more advanced and specific knowledge. You can search for anything - be it songs, application or programs, games...You name it. To put it simply, it is not an exaggeration when they said everything is on the internet. It is no surprise that more and more people are accessing the internet every day.
Last but not least, it makes life more convenient in general. If you are too busy to attend classes for college, there are online classes available. If you want to order food, you can order it online. If you want to buy things, you can buy it online too and have it delivered to your doorstep. You can find almost anything easily, so you do not have to waste too much time researching it offline. I can go on and on, but the gist is that the internet is just very convenient.
To conclude, the internet is really useful with so many advantageous things it has to offer. I am using the internet every day as we speak to check on stuffs, news, to keep updated on my friends and families activities, to converse with them, and so on. Internet has helped me in more ways than one, and it is just too convenient for me to let go. The advantages it has outweigh the disadvantages, and it is truly a boon to mankind. If you have not taken advantage of the internet yet, you should now! "
This is (maybe) better because the topic wasn't too hard - I could think of everything in my head so I didn't have to search for sources (well I put only one because it's required, it's only about the number of internet users in 2012). But I can't do that in this assignment.
Your help is greatly appreciated. I'm trying to save my college life and by helping me, you just prevent me from redoing this class (yeah, I'm really depressed about this, I'm scared that I have to redo this class and I can't graduate early because of that). Thanks in advance guys!
Here's the assignment's prompt
"Why people choose to go to a particular location for holiday
Bali
European travelers may be starting to view Bali, especially the southern part of the island, as a less attractive holiday destination as accommodation prices soar uncontrollably. Putu Winastra, deputy chairman of the Bali branch of the Association of Indonesian Tour and Travel Agencies (ASITA) said that European tourists had always paid serious attention to the condition of destinations they intended to visit.
"In the last five years, many European visitors have lodged complaints over the worsening environmental condition of Bali - lingering traffic jams, garbage, as well as the rising cost of hotels and accommodation facilities here," Winastra said. On top of that, Bali has been growing very fast and is considered too crowded and uncomfortable as a holiday destination for many visitors.
Task: research on the internet on the reasons why people choose to go a particular location for holiday and then develop your essay. Remember to use good and reliable sources!
Direction:
Write the essay in Google Docs.
An essay consists of:
An introduction / introductory paragraph
Body paragraphs (at least three)
A conclusion / concluding paragraph
Don't forget that the essay must have:
A clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction
Topic sentence for each body paragraph
Supporting sentences that further describe the topic sentence of each body paragraph
Recheck your grammar for any errors, such as in grammar or spelling.
Set the link sharing to Anyone with the link can comment.
Copy and paste the link to your writing in this thread and the browse button below.
Ask your friends to give comments on your writing.
Read your friends' comments, and make revision to your writing where necessary."
