Scholarship / FINANCIAL AID APPEAL! University of Southern California [3]

I am in great need of more aid from the University of Southern California.
Should I mention offers from other colleges?
Should I talk specifically about finances? If so, what numbers/amounts would I mention?

Here is what I have written so far. I know that it is rough, but I'd like to know if any of it is worth mentioning! Thank you very much!

I am extremely excited about my admittance to the University of Southern California, and cannot thank you enough for my chance to be a part of the Viterbi School of Engineering. Viterbi will provide me with an abundance of educational opportunities and a chance to impact the world. I am most [excited] for studying environmental engineering in depth and being part of the WiSE program.

At this time I am in a challenging financial situation that prevents me from affording even the net amount of my USC cost of attendance. I recognize and appreciate the more than generous grant I have received, but unfortunately it does not cover enough of the cost for me to attend USC. I am aware and do regret that I did not apply before the December 1st deadline in order to be considered for merit scholarships. At that time I was involved with and slightly confused with the Questbridge process. Without Questbridge I would never have known what USC was all about, but by the time I discovered it and decided it was the right place to apply, it was too late. I did not want this disadvantage to [prevent] me from ever being able to attend USC in the future, so I proceeded to apply to the only other USC scholarship I was eligible for. I felt I was a strong candidate for the Norman Topping Scholarship, but I was not selected as a finalist. After receiving this news and my financial aid report, I realized my family would not be able to afford the cost for USC, and because of this, I am asking that you kindly review my application and financial circumstance for further grant and scholarship money.

I am ending my senior year with a 4.63 GPA and will be graduating as an Advanced Placement Scholar with Distinction with my AP diploma. I have always taken these challenging courses as well as dual-enrolling at my local community college, with efforts to make the most of my education. Additionally, I have been elected Vice President of the Key Club and Treasurer of the Senior Class, because I understand what it is to be a leader and how to positively influence others - a quality I hope I can soon contribute to USC. I frequently volunteer in my community, either in conjunction with Key Club or Habitat for Humanity, along with other projects that come to my attention. In order to support myself and my educational endeavors, I am a part time tutor, privately helping five students in many different levels of math. Though I wish more of my earnings could be placed in a savings account and used for college, the majority of it is focused on school activities, books and supplies, and gas. I am as independent as possible with my money so that I can relieve the financial burden from my mother. I purchase clothing and shoes if I am in need of any, as well as meals, club dues, community college fees, and my college and financial aid applications.Given my circumstances, I feel that I have done everything in my power to afford college, and for these reasons I kindly ask that you review my application and financial circumstance for further grant and scholarship consideration. I hope that I will be able to take my place at Viterbi, learning and thriving amongst my Trojan family, teaching each other and changing the world together.

Thank you for your time, and I hope you will consider my request. Please send a reply so that I can ensure that my message has been received.

Sincerely,
Angelina Abitino