emtnd
Apr 19, 2014
Undergraduate / US College application essay. check my essay for mistakes. [4]
I am sorry, what is in [... ] is something that is not important but it will affect my current job. Let me keep it secret
Please review my essay, I am not good in English and I often get mistakes in using tenses of verb or corrective vocabularies.
BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH
My name is [emtnd]. I was born on July 7, 1987 in a middle-class family of six. When I was a child, I got used to playing games on my older brother's computer and I gradually felt excited about information technology. That is the main reason I want to become an Information Technology engineer.
I received a Bachelor of Engineer in Software Engineering from [University] in 2011. In that year, I served as programmer at [Bank]. During the time I have worked there, I have enthused over finance and business and thus I have decided to learn more about Business field.
I would like to get an Associate in Arts degree in Business major at [US College] for transfer to a university and get a Business Administration degree. The first reason I choose this college is that the college is quite near home of my older brother in California. This is convenient for me, a foreign student, to go from home to the school. Secondly, the most important reason is that as I have entered [college's website] to learn procedures for enrollment, I have seen a comment along with a portrait of a [student who is the same nationality as me] on the website of the college. This makes me believe that the college is suitable for me to continue my education and I might be welcomed there.
To become a student overseas in the US is the dream of not only mine, but also a lot of people around the world. I hope my dream will come true once I am accepted to enroll at the college.
I am sorry, what is in [... ] is something that is not important but it will affect my current job. Let me keep it secret
Please review my essay, I am not good in English and I often get mistakes in using tenses of verb or corrective vocabularies.
BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH
My name is [emtnd]. I was born on July 7, 1987 in a middle-class family of six. When I was a child, I got used to playing games on my older brother's computer and I gradually felt excited about information technology. That is the main reason I want to become an Information Technology engineer.
I received a Bachelor of Engineer in Software Engineering from [University] in 2011. In that year, I served as programmer at [Bank]. During the time I have worked there, I have enthused over finance and business and thus I have decided to learn more about Business field.
I would like to get an Associate in Arts degree in Business major at [US College] for transfer to a university and get a Business Administration degree. The first reason I choose this college is that the college is quite near home of my older brother in California. This is convenient for me, a foreign student, to go from home to the school. Secondly, the most important reason is that as I have entered [college's website] to learn procedures for enrollment, I have seen a comment along with a portrait of a [student who is the same nationality as me] on the website of the college. This makes me believe that the college is suitable for me to continue my education and I might be welcomed there.
To become a student overseas in the US is the dream of not only mine, but also a lot of people around the world. I hope my dream will come true once I am accepted to enroll at the college.
