Writing Feedback / IELTS: People have different views about who is responsible for raising chilrden [6]

Hi eveyone,
I m new here, I just discovered this wonderful forum.
I m preparing to take the IELTS exam after few months.
I want to share my essay which I wrote for the same IELTS writing task 2 question, I really need your help guys. Just let me know my weak points and also my score.

Essay

People have different views about who is responsible for raising chilrden into good citizens. I believe that parents and schools all together play an important and influencing role on a child's character.

To begin with, parents have a great infulence on a child's personality. As humans, the first contact with the world is through parents, they are the first role-model for children. That's why children tend to imitate them in a diffrent ways. This indicates why the first years of a child have a lasting impact. For instance ; young people learn how to respect and share with others through their parents' teachings and behaviours.

In addition, school is the first place for a child to discover a large variety of other peers and interact with them. Therefore, it should aim to promote good values alongside with the academic achievement. It should aim to prepare good citizens with qualities such us : working hard, respect of others, teamwork and problem-solving..This can be achieved by encouraging students to be part of a team and to respect, help and share with each other.

To sum up, parents play a huge role in educating good values to the new generations, but schools also is responsible of promoting such values, that s why a sense of cooperation is needed to achieve the goal.