Dilian_Nguyen
Jul 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / SAT ; We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society [5]
Thank you for your feedback :)
Thank you for your feedback :)
Dilian_Nguyen
Jun 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / SAT ; We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society [5]
Already admitted to college but need an SAT score >= 2250 in order to go to Laws School. I appreciate any help that you can provide.
Prompt:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society. We tend to judge people based on what they've done rather than on what they can do. But looking only at someone's experience and achievements ignores how that person may develop or what that person may become. We can only determine people's true worth by what they are capable of doing, not by what they have already done.
Assignment: Does a person's character determine that person's success in life? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
My Essay:
A person's character is certainly an important factor that contributes to his or her success in life. However, aside from character, there are many more external factors that also affect a person's development such as luck, family background and even health. Every opinion needs evidence and mine is not an exception. There are examples of real people whose successes and failures were determined by not only their characters. Among them, the life with both rise and fall of Adolf Hitler is an outstanding example.
Today, Hitler is widely condemned as a warlike criminal who had taken the life of millions of innocent people. However, it is undeniable that Hitler was also a man with exceptional character. Born in a mediocre family in the remote border region of Austria, Hitler had thrived to be the Chancellor of the Third Reich, which was also one of his achievement. His oratory and his charisma had lured many Germans to follow him. In the first years of the Second World War, Hitler had successfully turned Germany to the ever greatest Empire in Europe. Her land expanded from the Western Border of Russia to the rest of Europe, excepting the Great Britain, and a vast area of Northern Africa. It might seem that Hitler's leadership had earned this success.
However, it was not that simple. Hitler's initial success did not merely arise from his own talent. In fact, Hitler was lucky to be born and grown in such a place and such a time. Hitler's rise during the early 1930s was largely due to the nationalism that was prevalent in Germany then. The Germans had just been defeated in the Great War and were being tied to the unacceptable Versaille Treaty which had been imposed on them by the Allies. The German people were living in enmity and they were thirsty for revenge when Hitler came in to politics. Fortunately for him, his philosophy of extreme nationalism and racism perfectly suited the desire of the Germans. Therefore, Hitler's success was not based on his character but on the circumstance that he lived in. If he had been born in different time or in different place, he would never have risen to such a position of power.
Later on, his character did not seem to change. He was still fanatical with his ambition and his philosophy. However, he soon lost the game due to the change in the circumstance. His lucky star was no longer with him. Once, he was supported by millions of German people but when the war spread and more and more people turned against him, his advantage seemed to fade away. In the late 1941 and 1942, the Nazi Army was so close to Moscow and it almost broke through Russian defensive line. Only three years later, in the early 1945, Hitler was pushed to the point of committing his suicide when nothing could stop the Allies' march to Berlin.
As we can see, one's character is not the sole determinant of one's success in life. One's character must fit the social circumstances in order to help one succeed. However, character is not fixed. We can always change ourselves, of course, with great determination, so as to become more successful in life.
Already admitted to college but need an SAT score >= 2250 in order to go to Laws School. I appreciate any help that you can provide.
Prompt:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society. We tend to judge people based on what they've done rather than on what they can do. But looking only at someone's experience and achievements ignores how that person may develop or what that person may become. We can only determine people's true worth by what they are capable of doing, not by what they have already done.
Assignment: Does a person's character determine that person's success in life? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
My Essay:
A person's character is certainly an important factor that contributes to his or her success in life. However, aside from character, there are many more external factors that also affect a person's development such as luck, family background and even health. Every opinion needs evidence and mine is not an exception. There are examples of real people whose successes and failures were determined by not only their characters. Among them, the life with both rise and fall of Adolf Hitler is an outstanding example.
Today, Hitler is widely condemned as a warlike criminal who had taken the life of millions of innocent people. However, it is undeniable that Hitler was also a man with exceptional character. Born in a mediocre family in the remote border region of Austria, Hitler had thrived to be the Chancellor of the Third Reich, which was also one of his achievement. His oratory and his charisma had lured many Germans to follow him. In the first years of the Second World War, Hitler had successfully turned Germany to the ever greatest Empire in Europe. Her land expanded from the Western Border of Russia to the rest of Europe, excepting the Great Britain, and a vast area of Northern Africa. It might seem that Hitler's leadership had earned this success.
However, it was not that simple. Hitler's initial success did not merely arise from his own talent. In fact, Hitler was lucky to be born and grown in such a place and such a time. Hitler's rise during the early 1930s was largely due to the nationalism that was prevalent in Germany then. The Germans had just been defeated in the Great War and were being tied to the unacceptable Versaille Treaty which had been imposed on them by the Allies. The German people were living in enmity and they were thirsty for revenge when Hitler came in to politics. Fortunately for him, his philosophy of extreme nationalism and racism perfectly suited the desire of the Germans. Therefore, Hitler's success was not based on his character but on the circumstance that he lived in. If he had been born in different time or in different place, he would never have risen to such a position of power.
Later on, his character did not seem to change. He was still fanatical with his ambition and his philosophy. However, he soon lost the game due to the change in the circumstance. His lucky star was no longer with him. Once, he was supported by millions of German people but when the war spread and more and more people turned against him, his advantage seemed to fade away. In the late 1941 and 1942, the Nazi Army was so close to Moscow and it almost broke through Russian defensive line. Only three years later, in the early 1945, Hitler was pushed to the point of committing his suicide when nothing could stop the Allies' march to Berlin.
As we can see, one's character is not the sole determinant of one's success in life. One's character must fit the social circumstances in order to help one succeed. However, character is not fixed. We can always change ourselves, of course, with great determination, so as to become more successful in life.
