Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'new building construction hold the right to gain more money from government' [2]

FULL SUBJECT:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for the government to spend money on new buildings than to preserve historic or traditional buildings and homes.

My Composition:

The housing shortage is drawing more and more attention nowadays. And the cost of accommodation keeps growing these years. The necessity of governmental financial aid is extremely important. What government should take into consideration at the first place should not be historic and traditional building preservation but new building construction.

Building more accommodating constructions meets people's basic need. People cannot live a harmonious life if citizens do not have a decent place to live in. If the price of housing grows continuously, a comfortable place to live in will be a luxury to the middle class and the low class. Then, ordinary people, especially the younger generation, will fall into a certain pattern--work, pay bills for housing, work; and I am sure that it will increase people's dissatisfaction of the government. Because when they are working, the fair of losing their accommodation always lingers, which will limit their efficiency. And government should spend money on people to rescue them from this, because only a government of the people, by the people, for the people will finally last; people's cohesiveness will be promoted.

Otherwise, another vital reason why new building construction deserves more governmental investment lies in the fact that it requires far more resource compare to old building preservation. Build a new building has following prerequisites, land that has been sold by the government via formal procedures, a reliable construction company and tremendous amount of labor. Except these, hundreds of problems would occur during the construction. Thus, only government can cope with it by utilizing its enormous resource like dollars and effectiveness.

Generally, personally speaking, I believe new building construction hold the right to gain more money from government.

Thank all you guys so much!!! Your replies will be so helpful!!!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'ancient people lived a natural life' - Now it's easier to maintain health [2]

It is commonly thought that our society had dramatically changed by modern science and technology, and human had made extraordinary progress in knowledge of medical science over the recent decades. However, some people even scholars are arguing about if modern people can maintain health easier compare to ancient people. In my submission, modern people are much defensive about disease.

Modern medical techniques refine on those of the pass. We, modern people, own cutting-edge technology and a myriad of medical devices, like electronic microscopic and bio-analyzer, which drastically increase people's defensiveness. In the past, according to our history book, Spanishlady, an influenza attacked America from 1918 to 1919, killed about 50 million in one year. This kind of disease can only lead to fever, headache and sore throat. This influenza with such simple symptom could cause substantial amount of death; the tragedy mainly resulted from the undeveloped medical techniques at that time.

Furthermore, modern people enjoys a better quality life, a smarter life. Personal experiences lead me to conclude that it's undoubtedly true. With the help of smartphone, I am able to use APPs to form a diagram which demonstrated my sleeping quality. If I had nightmare yesterday night, which ruined my night sleep and waked me up, my phone can play some soft music to help me get rid of insomnia. In the next day, my phone will tell me how much "sleep debt" I'm owing even remind me to take a nap during the noon. These all attribute to my healthy life, which also beyond ancient people's imagination.

Additionally, the food we eat nowadays is way better than the ancient one. As a modern people, we drink boiled clean water, while ancient people drunk water from the river or the well; we cleanse and ripen our food by using oven and bio-clean cooker, while ancient people applied only fire and rough cooker. They even ate uncooked meat. Indisputably, modern foods overweighs ancient foods in several aspects, including taste and cleanliness. These all helps us to maintain our health.

Although the commonly-accepted assumption is ancient people lived a natural life, for examples, their food had no DDT and they are less pressured; but, current investigation demonstrates that among all the people who think ancient life is healthier, only 5% of them really want to abandon their current life routine and life like an ancient people. This result is actually not astonishing to me, and it proves that modern life can provide people with a better health condition.

Generally, I believe that modern people is easier to maintain health.