Posts by thaihanguyen74

thaihanguyen74

Jun 25, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

Actually, I was a monitor in both secondary and high school but I made some corrections to my essay. Thanks for your advice. Do you think I need more modification?

This morning, I introduced Sean, Simone and Rajiv to my teacher. She asked me what was the benefit of Internet. I said without thinking: I could make friends from other countries then I told her and my friends about you and your help. I really appreciate your suggestions.

Ah Rajiv, I love Aishwarya Rai very much because of her talent and beauty.
Thank you all very much.

thaihanguyen74

Jun 24, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

Firstly, thank you all.

Secondly, Maths and Physics is not my passion, I studied it because of my dream.In my country, there are many group in high school:

+Group A: Maths, Physics, Chemistry (preparing for economic or finacial university)
+Group B: Maths,Chemistry,Biology(preparing for medical universities,...)
+Group C: Literature, History, Geography
+group D: Maths, Literature, English (preparing for teachers or press universities,...)
etc
If you choose one group, you will focus on 3 subjects on that group for three years (10th,11th,12th grade). And when you have the entrance exam which is extremely difficult, you only examine 3 subjects. Many students choose group A because of its reputation and universities' choice. Normally, students in group A bad at English and students in group D bad at Maths. I have studied in group A for 3 years and as I said, deciding to veer my life 4 monhts before the entrance exam is very risk. Actually I don't know why I hate chemistry so much.

Thirdly, I love dancesport. Only in the evening do I dance. So If I want to do somthing in leadership, I will have all day to do it. The fact that I was a monitor in 5 years in my class and in the evening, I still carry out my passion. I think it's very united.

Finally, Thank you again.

thaihanguyen74

Jun 22, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

...
Here is my last version :). 600 words exactly and It's perfect to me. Thank you in advance.

You know, I cannot imagine that Simone is a teacher. Before talking to someone, I always try to guess their jobs. I thought Simone,Sean and Rajiv are the outstanding and enthusiasm students in Bristish or Australia. In Vietnam, teachers even don't know how to chat.

Do you mind if I want to know where you come from? I'm going to have a workcamp and I can choose any countries. Maybe (just maybe:) I can come and give you some local specialities to show my deep gratitude :). Besides, whenever you enjoy visiting my beautiful country, you'll get a guide and homestay. Vietnamese is very hospitalable. You are all welcomed. Thanks again.

thaihanguyen74

Jun 22, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

"Seeing them quickly opend the gifts and smiled brilliantly, all the tiredness of mine was left behind". "Seeing them" is currently the subject of the sentence, which means that the sentence makes no sense.

Well, firstly I don't know why but now I understand. Two clauses don't have the same subject, right?
Here is my revised version.Please help me make it more anecdotically and naturally. Thank you "extremely" much :)
...

thaihanguyen74

Jun 21, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

Thanks Rajiv (The first time when I saw your name, I thought it was an Indian name :).
You know, I have to look up dictionary sometimes because of your comment. I actually don't really understand your opinion. Why do I should use the essay that you corrected last? Simone's idea can't put into practice (I mean itn't suitable for a scholarship essay) or I am not fit for this idea (my vocab, grammar,intelligence)? Just ask :D

Thanks both of the moderator,too.

thaihanguyen74

Jun 20, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

Thank you for your idea. Here is my revised version. But I don't know how to start the first paragraph in old version come to the revised version. As I said, Vietnamese universities is very important (It's nearly the only way to success) and there is only one International university in Vietnam whose fee is extremely expensive (9 fold prepare with Vietnamese universities). Deciding to veer my life before entrance exam was a risk. Even my parents have not known about my plan. I don't have their agreement. I've learned English by myself because of no subsidy. And IELTS fee, I borrowed my uncle. In the first paragraph , I emphasized that point and I think they understand why .

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------

My secondary English teacher said that " even the word 'I' standed in the middle of the sentence, you still had to write it capital" . But I see many foreign people write it in small letter. So which way is right?

Thank you very much.

thaihanguyen74

Jun 19, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

english is not my mothertonge, so don't be mad at me if I ask too much or my essay has many mistakes,:( ok ?

You said that "started with the image of you doing your homework on the bus while riding home late after doing volunteer work with children, feeling exhausted and excited at the same time".

Did you mean: I'm very studious and dynamic... so you should award this scholarship for me or?

thaihanguyen74

Jun 19, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

pls check it for me.

Since childhood, I have always dreamt of matriculating from a reputable university in Vietnam. For 12 years, I pursued my dream by studying intensively, especially maths and physics. But when I was invited to a workshop of RMIT Vietnam, I decided to explore the workings of an international university work. Then I discovered that it was the milestone changing my whole life. Only 4 months before my enchange exam , I decided to apply for scholarship at RMIT Vietnam. I have had to complete both, work at school and studying English by myself . Getting 6.0 IELTs in 4 months of assiduous practice, I was very pleased. From my result, I strongly believe that I have the ability of studying with a high level of determination and energy.

...

thaihanguyen74

Jun 18, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

I have a lot of works to do this time so I can't post my revised version soon; sorry.
1. How can I expand the account of my volunteer activities while my essay is over 620 words? (I counted because it's important to me :)
2. If I put some ideas about what will I do for their university, which word or part I have to reduce ?
I wrote a paragraph about that idea, pls help me to put it in the essay and curtain all the essay, okei?
"I have devoted my life both to working to better myself and to improving society as a whole. If I am awarded this scholarship, I will continue in this same manner of being a student at RMIT Vietnam. I commit my life to studying hardly and to developing movements at your university."

thaihanguyen74

Jun 15, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

Sorry. Can I ask you a question? Do you think I should add some ideas to my essay such as: my academic performances in high school or if they award this scholarship for me, what will I do for their university?

thaihanguyen74

Jun 13, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

1. _ ur future: career, life,...
_ parents: they've worked hard to bringup u so u have to repay
...
4.
_ reduce the number of hours that u work part time jobs, which would u allow more time to concentrate on studies. (time)
_ parents provide u with room and board, but because u have younger brothers and sisters, they cannot help with educational expenses. The money I earn at part-time is barely enough to cover books and supplies. A scholarship would help a great deal. (money)

....

thaihanguyen74

Jun 13, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

I know my grammar is terrible and it's a serious mistake. I've already fixed it, thanks in advance. But do you think my essay too... boring? I mean is it so mechanical, unremarkable and uncompetitive? By the way, my essay is too long (about 700 words), how can I abridged it? Help me plzzz.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to apply.

thaihanguyen74

Jun 13, 2009

Scholarship / I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship [38]

hi! I'm a Vietnamese students and I'm going to require a scholarship. Please help me to condense my sentences and check my spelling. Thanks a lot.

------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------
Question: why are you a good candidate to receive this award? (maximum 600 words)

The bus bounced along the rutted road as I bent over my books, finshing my homework after spending the evening helping children at Hoa Binh children's village. It was late and I felt tired, but happy. I had a joyful day with them. My high school held many parties for the children in Mid-autumn , the international children's holiday, and on many other occasions as well; and each time I volunteered, I discovered something new and exciting. Children here are very polite and loveable. Whenever I delivered them candies or presents, they always said thanks. Seeing them quickly opening the gifts and smiling brilliantly, I felt all my tiredness left behind.I am now also a member of an International Voluntary Organization which exchanges volunteers between 120 countries worldwide.

During three years in secondary and high school, I worked tirelessly in many leadership roles. Throughout my tenure, I worked hard to make beneficial changes in both school and society, driven by my desire to meet my own high expectations - and my academic performance improved as well. The most important thing when I accomplished my assignment was that I wished to dedicate my entire life for the benefit of community as a leading role.

While in 11th grade, I attended a dance-sport club and explored my other passion. My teacher said that I had an aptitude for dancing. Not only did I learn, but I also offered to work in the collaborator's position. After only a month of being a member, I managed a group running the club's forum. Sometimes I helped them understand each other and come closer. This developed my interpersonal and problem solving skills.

To pursue my dream of matriculating from a reputable university in Vietnam, I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years. When I was invited to a workshop of RMIT Vietnam, I decided to explore an international university . It was the milestone that changed my whole life. Only months before my entrance exam, I decided to apply for a scholarship at RMIT Vietnam. I had to complete both, work at school and study English by myself. Getting 6.0 IELTs in only four months of assiduous practice, I was very pleased with this result. I strongly believe that I have the ability of studying with a high level of determination and energy.

However, my parents cannot help me with my educational expenses. Only a scholarship will allow me to continue at the International University. I have always enjoyed being a leader and wish to pursue a career in leadership. I have learned that leadership means teamwork, patience as well as the ability to take calculated risks. I do hope to continue learning about leadership through my school years. This scholarship will allow me focus on a career that no other university in Vietnam can do.

I am determined both, to better myself and to contribute to improving society as a whole. If awarded this scholarship, I will continue in this same manner, commiting myself to studying hard as a student, and furthering the causes at RMIT Vietnam.

Thank you very much for considering my application.