Posts by jwajwa

jwajwa

Aug 31, 2014

Undergraduate / LIFE ISNT WORTH LIVING IF YOU ONLY LIVE FOR YOURSELF! BARRY UNIVERSITY PROMPT! [3]

During my time at La Rabida I would help children read, write, and forget for a couple of hours that they are ill. Volunteering at La Rabida was important to the people I served because for the 24 hours in a day four of those hours we played and laughed.

START OFF WITH THIS. SHOWING THIS! As I went to get some more boardgames laughing from what X said, I came back in the room and they were still laughing...

Then talk about realizing how at La Rabida's Children Hospital is a haven where students get operated blah blah blah but also can be the children that they are.

It would be cool if you started off with you teaching them a childhood rite of passage like riding a bike.

And then parallel this to helping people at the hospital. Helping large families through tough times. Being there for that one 86 year old with surprisingly no family.

jwajwa

Aug 31, 2014

Undergraduate / Tulane - "Exactly the school I need" - SOP Prompt [3]

Scrap the first sentence. This should be what the whole essay is about.
Show, show, show.
We should be able to see yourself doing X academic programs in X library, eating at X dining hall, and participating in X clubs.

You talk about the money, but you don't give them a reason to give it to you over another kid.
Talk about the research you hope to get involved in.

I would say put this essay aside. Go on tulane's website, collegexpress, collegeprowler and make a list of things you like about the school. Go through all their clubs. Go through your ideal academic program (even if you don't know, its good to show how you would be a good fit for one, an underserved one might give you an advantage)

And start off with a middle of a story. And research these Why X school essays . I know a good one I found was one with american university and the dream act.

Good luck!

jwajwa

Aug 31, 2014

Undergraduate / "sea shell" - FAU APPLICATION SHORT ESSAY (140 CHARACTERS) [6]

~~One should constantly undertake goals that exceed far beyond the comfort zone. It is crucial to be able to appreciate unfamiliar sights and explore limitless heights.~~ Well written but this doesn't help your argument. Need to start off by showing instead of telling. Ex. I lay on the ground, dormant for months even years. However, that Tuesday was like no other. I was picked up ...(keep showing).

Hence, if I were a sea shell, I would prefer to be picked up in order to discover a world far beyond my own reach. As Neale D. Walsch once said, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."

jwajwa

Aug 23, 2014

Undergraduate / 'The New Teacher' (the struggle of having an uncommon name) - Common App [6]

Thank you so much! I've had other people read this and they sort of told me this but your advice really gave me clear instructions!

jwajwa

Aug 21, 2014

Writing Feedback / Experience plays an important role in our lives and teach us valuable lessons which help us succeed [5]

Get rid of the entire first paragraph " personally, I agree..." You don't have to tell the readers this, show it. And don't start with "first of all". Not needed. Just jump into it!

Instead of "another example", you can say "when I was in...I was introduced to this concept yet again".

jwajwa

Aug 21, 2014

Undergraduate / 'The New Teacher' (the struggle of having an uncommon name) - Common App [6]

(I mostly need help with the ending. I think it still ends a little as a downer and I'm trying to incorporate how I've overcome this through my extracurriculars. However, I really don't know how!)

Personal Statement Essay: CA & UCA
Question: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Personal Essay:
I walk through the classroom door on the first day of school. My eyes anxiously scan the room for an open seat. At the front desk sat someone with a strange familiarness: a new teacher for a new year. I am immediately interrupted by a wave of anxiety. I sit in the nearest available desk. The teacher takes attendance.

She has just called Anna.
Woah, now she is on Rebecca.
Hmm...she is going by last names. Okay, this gives me time to think about whether I should correct her mispronunciation or leave it be. Is my teacher even concerned about whether she mispronounces it? Does it matter if she cares? Maybe, I should make her care? How about I act really surprised when she mispronounces it? Or even insulted?

"Katherine Smith"
"Jwa-here Sunday"

The teacher pronounces my first name with such an unanticipated perfection that I dismiss her cringe worthy attempt at my last name. I even present a sly amused smile and I attentively announce myself as present. However, I brace myself for the upcoming question.

"Interesting. You are Jwahir? What are you? Do you have a nickname?"

Now don't get me wrong. This name has never inflicted any personal shame. Despite encountering the relunctants who spot the more challenging presense of my name on a list of more familiars and turn back and exclaim "Okay I am going to skip this" or even the sprinters who quickly haste through my name to get to a more recognizable set of letters. Despite all of this, I have never seen my name as unfavorable. In fact, I've always been conditioned by my parents to perceive it as empowering. Jwahir. The golden woman, one who reflects the almighty and keeps pushing forward. I've always owned my name and fully claimed it.

However, I still could not shake off the persistent after-feelings of such awkward uncomfortable introductions. My name fully outlined my differences. Particularly, in a room teeming.

My name often introduces me to a semester of looming discomfort and the burden of being a female person of color in an overwhelmingly white and/or male dominated classroom. These interactions present a semester of feeling the emotional toll of being the only black junior taking AP Biology out of the 1,697 students of CRLS or being one of four female students in Criminal and Civil Law (mirroring the current diversity state of the U.S Senate).

Even three months in the classroom, I sit in with my fellow group members collaboratively distributing out responsibilities for our upcoming project. My gracefully powerful name gets replaced with "Hey!","You", or a suspiciously repetitive use of "she". I end up not having a name. Time and time again, I overhear: It's too difficult to pronounce and she doesn't even have a nickname. Nameless.

Despite my school boasting about their ethnic diversity, I remain a subtle yet obvious secret in my classes. I have gradually developed the ability of self-validation. My voice does matter. In fact, it needs to be heard. I need to be included in the conversation. As a more reserved introvert, it is wholly necessary that I remind myself to step outside of my comfort zone and rewrite my self-perceived boundaries as a method of refusing to allow any assumptions reside as a reality. I need to both recognize and present myself as a leader; a multidimensional leader that should be naturally followed. This voice has a name. This person has a name that needs to be learned. I am not solely my race. I am not solely my gender. I am not solely my name. I am diverse past these identities. However, I also hold a transformative power in my differences and these personal powers will allow me to shamelessly emancipate my own potential.

jwajwa

Aug 21, 2014

Undergraduate / Merging both medicine and business; doctor - person you dream of becoming - Syracuse Supp [4]

SHOW instead of telling.
You can start off with a vivid image of a person being rushed into the hospital. A doctor/administration describing the patients case. This shows the problems in the health care system. You can continue and say this is not an anomaly in todays health care and then talk about how you picture yourself at syracuse, sitting in your desk in a business class. finding the perfect balance between business and health care.