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Posts by lewa
Joined: Jun 14, 2009
Last Post: Oct 18, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

From: United States

Displayed posts: 5
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lewa   
Oct 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "underestimating" - Common Application short answer. 150 words or less.... [12]

The short answer needs to talk about an activity. Your essay is trying to provide an excuse for low (well, not really low--low for you) grades, which an essay should not try to do. Think about an extracurricular activity that you like and write about that.
lewa   
Jun 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Comrade Hu and passion for languages" - College Admissions Essay Introduction [13]

Ben, does the following sound more intro-like to you? It is a bit long but it could be shortened.

Mustafa, I wanted to use an introduction that was engaging. Had I started off "I was trying to teach myself Chinese..." it might have seemed boring. Is the following clearer?

------------

While my athletic friends ran laps, did pushups, and lifted weights, I spent my afternoons performing drills of a different kind.

"Which one is Comrade Hu?" I listened again to the rising and falling tones of the Mandarin Chinese sentence, before spitting out the reply with an automaticity that would make a drill sergeant proud: "That one is Comrade Hu!"

The tapes were a vestige of the 1950s, developed by the Foreign Service Institute to train diplomats in the language before their jobs took them abroad. The course had aged a bit, and it showed: as I listened I wondered how many times I'd be hearing the word comrade on the streets of present-day Beijing.

Nevertheless, it was thorough and the best resource I had at a school that offered only Spanish, French, and Latin. I persisted, committing words like "to come" and "to go" to memory and leaving words like "section chief" for later. Finally, I mustered the courage to try out my Chinese on the native speaker who sat behind me in Freshman Latin. "Wo hui shuo yidianr putonghua!" I said proudly.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh, I speak the other dialect." Bad luck, I guess.
"You speak Cantonese?" I asked, confirming.
"Wait-no. Mandarin. Say that again?"
My tones, he told me, were awful.
lewa   
Jun 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Comrade Hu and passion for languages" - College Admissions Essay Introduction [13]

Hello all,

I was wondering if the following introduction to a college essay about my passion for languages was confusing or overly wordy. Do the first couple sentences leave you scratching your head? How can I make it flow better?

Thanks in advance,
Alex
---------

"That one is Comrade Hu!"

I had no idea who Comrade Hu was, but as I listened to the State Department language tapes, I pictured hundreds of 1950s diplomats landing in China ready to pick him out of a crowd. There was no doubt about it: these tapes were old -- Mr. Hu almost certainly did not go by "comrade" anymore. But at a school that offered only French, Spanish, and Latin, I had resorted to the Foreign Service Institute's free language tapes to satiate my hunger to learn new languages.

In the confines of my room I persisted, committing words like "to come" and "to go" to memory and leaving words like "section chief" to the side. Finally, I mustered the nerve to try out my Chinese on the native speaker who sat behind me in Freshman Latin. "Wo hui shuo yidianr putonghua!" I said proudly.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh, I speak the other dialect." Bad luck, I guess.
"You speak Cantonese?" I asked, confirming.
"Wait-no. Mandarin. Say that again?"
My tones, he told me, were awful.
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