Posts by minoosaba

minoosaba

Aug 21, 2015

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Car usage in 20 years later [2]

Hello.
Your writing doesn't convey enough information about the topic.
You wrote "first of all" at the beginning of the first paragraph And you began the following paragraph with finally! It was better that you wrote another reason for your writing as the second reason then used "finally" as the third part of your writing.

Good luck.

minoosaba

May 11, 2015

Writing Feedback / Best change in my hometown? Establishing companies to make a lot of job vacancies and employ people. [4]

And about vendor, yes , I was mistake. I meant "Peddler" . Someone that sells sth illegally.

minoosaba

May 11, 2015

Writing Feedback / Best change in my hometown? Establishing companies to make a lot of job vacancies and employ people. [4]

phenomenal

Hello my friend.

I am so happy that you helped me. thank you SO MUCH :)

The title of the essay was :TOEFL: if you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Before the posting message, in the title, I wrote this sentence completely. I don't know why it has been change!

Your advises are very useful for me. I'll remember them...( It was my first time that I wrote an essay for TOEFL)

minoosaba

May 10, 2015

Writing Feedback / Best change in my hometown? Establishing companies to make a lot of job vacancies and employ people. [4]

If I had a power to change one thing about my country, I'd try to establish some companies to make a lot of job vacancies and employ people especially who are poor and unemployed.

With making job vacancies, poor people can get a job. Moreover, plenty pf illegal jobs will be removed we won't see any vendors in whole of the country anymore. Furthermore, the percent of the crimes will decrease. Because, most of the criminals happen when people don't have any financial support.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of graduated people who either their job is unrelated to their skills or are unemployed whereas they have spent some years in universities and studied hard, but they cant find any ideal job.

In conclusion, if i had a chance to change one important thing here, it would be the lack of job vacancy that it could help our society as well.

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Hi everyone!
I am studying for the TOEFL exam. I would be grateful if you could help me to improve my writing :) Thanks...