Undergraduate / 'The New Teacher' (the struggle of having an uncommon name) - Common App [6]

It is absolutely inspiring to read writing from a fellow person of color with such a strong ascendancy over the english language, so congratulations in that regard. Now onto how your essay can be improved. You are right that the ending needs work because I fail to see how you have overcome this obstacle (other than through your writing). Perhaps you can mention some of the ways that being "nameless" has inspired you to do more. Are there certain activities that you partake in that give you your voice back, do you play a prominent role in your community/family, what do you aspire to do in the future that will enable you to redeem your namelessness? In other words, expressing your voice in writing is fine, but if you could also express how this voice has manifested in the physical world then it will greatly strengthen your story. Overall I love the narrative and it will definitely stand out, you just need to leave the impression that you have overcome this hardship.

Undergraduate / I was told that I'm lucky to receive an education in America - USF college entrance essay [4]

First things first, you do not completely answer the prompt as nothing mentioned above addresses the way in which you intend to fulfill the university's mission. However, the description about who you are is decent. Instead of "My long term goal was to live somewhere more than a couple of months and because of that I never really focused on my education." Use "As a result of my family constantly having to relocate (maybe mention why you had to move a lot), I never paid too much attention to my education." In regards to your neurosurgeon goals, first state what inspired you to be a neurosurgeon, then what you have done to reach that goal such as the classes you have taken. It is important to recognize that you are not applying to medical school so their is no need to spend so much time on what type of doctor you want to be rather use your desire to become a doctor to lead into how the university will help you with that goal. I would avoid semicolons as they make your response sound too informal. In regards to the Mike Bronson quote, do not quote someone that is not reasonably recognizable. I tried googling him and I could not find anything. It is probably not a good idea to say that you never found faith in an essay to a school who's mission literally centers around faith. Lastly, if you really have no interest in the catholic faith then you should probably not being apply to a Jesuit Catholic University. Remember they are looking for students that will embrace and embody all aspects of the university and essentially fulfill their mission. P.S. It helps to read your essay out loud to yourself to make sure it sounds well.