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Posts by d_ooo70189
Name: Sammi Chen
Joined: Aug 18, 2014
Last Post: Aug 19, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
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From: China

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d_ooo70189   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Next 20 years - transportation goes ahead and novel version of automobile will be produced. [4]

I think your essay is well-organized; however, there are some parts you can improve
In second paragraph you have provided a complete and specific evidence to support your argument (which is good)
But, in thrid and fourth paragraphs, you only used two sentences to describe you evidence (which can make your argument sound weak)
Your evidence should be more specific.
d_ooo70189   
Aug 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / SAT topic: Is knowledge a benefit or a budern? [3]

I'm studying for the SAT test in December, but I think I'm terrible at writing essays
Can you guys give me some advice and rate my essay, thanks, it can be really helpful
Topic: Is knowledge a benefit or a budern?
Knowledge used to stand a dispensable role in the society due to different levels of classes, and it is even regarded as a burden by most low class people. Nevertheless, knowledge has gradually become a determining stimulus for progressed modernization in the contemporary society; it benefits humanity in myriad fields. Therefore, knowledge is always a benefit to most people rather than a burden.

The significant change from the past that leads more people, even the low classes', became more aware of conception of knowledge, is that they start to believe that acquiring knowledge can improve their living condition. Bill Gates, who born in the middle class family is an epitome. The knowledge of specializing business, computer program makes Gates become one of the most successful and the wealthiest people in the world, therefore, Bill Gates's life story established a belief of acquiring knowledge can benefit or improve people's life condition.

Knowledge has accentuated its existence again and again over past several years. Indeed, it's the one of the pivotal keys that brings out the technological innovations, and other fields of works. For instance, Nicolaus Copernicus, the famous Polish renaissance Mathematician and an Astronomer, utilized abundant knowledge as an advantageous tool to devote himself to astronomy. Consequently, he developed an idea of the sun was the center of the Universe, which becomes the "common knowledge" to people nowadays. Knowledge can be a great assistance for scientists to develop a notion that's important for the modernization.

Although the age of Qin Shi Huang had prohibited civilians from possessing knowledge in order to avert rebellion and to advocate the peace, it was a wrongheaded policy. Because of the limitation, people couldn't get access to knowledge; their ingenuity was brutally "buried", so it has been a challenge for them to contribute to the society. Yet, on the other hand, the scientists in Western countries had fabricated a lot of innovations, and it's chiefly because of their freedom of accessing knowledge. Therefore, it's acute crucial for the leaders to aware of the importance of knowledge, because it can make such great contribution to nations.

In conclusion, knowledge is a beneficial tool for the inventions, notions, theories rather than a burdensome. Another word, it not only leads the society to the technological tendency but also facilitates the advancement of modernization. Knowledge has so far brought us more goods than negatives, hence, there's no reason to treat it as troublesome burden.
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