Letters / The feeling you get once you achieve something is extraordinary... my first motivation letter [15]

I am keenly interested in becoming a part of this leading agency; this position can provide a good opportunity toward establishing an independent research career

Is it better this way ?
I'm not irritated at having to do extra work at all, I'm glade actually because this will help me improving my writting abilities.

I hope that you are not irritated doing all that editing for me.

Letters / The feeling you get once you achieve something is extraordinary... my first motivation letter [15]

I dont need it graded, i just thought that it would be helpfull to mention my first year high GPA and i removed that part after your advice.

This is how it looks like now:

Subject: Motivation letter for the 2215 - Graduate Scholarship Program for International Students
Dear Sir/ Madam,
The fact that when any individual gains knowledge in a particular subject, his awareness of the unknown about that topic becomes greater. I have been fascinated by the world of science and technology as far back as I can remember. The ability of the human mind to create new technological and scientific inventions in order to improve the standards of the life we know answers the questions about the higher purpose of our minds.

I believe that education is the most important asset and quality of a man and one should attempt his best to acquire it. As the top student of my class for eleven years in a row, my family always encouraged me to become a doctor, but I had no interest in that field. I'm currently one semester away from holding my BSc degree in telecommunications engineering, this major has a direct impact on every living person today since communication plays a key role in all the development of activities ranging from economic to international relations. It's a diverse field of engineering and the work ranges from basic circuits design to strategic mass development.

As a senior student, I have chosen a challenging yet interesting field of research for my graduation thesis; it's related to Sound Source Localization. I'm building a prototype of a camera which is steered automatically by two motors based on the direction of sound arrival obtained by an array of microphones. I am seriously considering specializing in this field and further my research in it, and I am confident of contributing significantly to this field so that I can become one of the major contributors to it. The ability of localizing more than one sound source at the same time and reducing the complexity of computations in order to make real-time applications related to communications, security and many other fields is only possible if I continue my research through a Master Degree and a few years later by a PhD degree at one of the best Turkish academic institutions.

TUBITAK has represented Turkey in nearly all international science and technology cooperation activities. I am keenly interested in becoming a part of this leading agency. The 2215 - Graduate Scholarship Program for International Students is the golden opportunity to strengthen and enrich myself that I have waited my whole life for to achieve my long-term goal which is to put my footprints in the field of communications engineering through contributions of original ideas and translating those ideas to end applications and products. I have a strong desire to contribute significantly to the human society by using knowledge to serve the greater good and make people lives easier.

Sincerely,

Tariq Mahmoud

I appreciate your great help, i would not have done that without it
Thank you.

Letters / The feeling you get once you achieve something is extraordinary... my first motivation letter [15]

" especially in one of the most advanced countries"
I meant Turkey by this sentence to show that I'm interested in studying abroad there, i guess that i should have written it as

especially in one of the most advanced countries like Turkey. Is it ok like this or i should remove it completely?

long-term goal which is to put my footprints . Is there any thing wrong in this sentence?

I made the corrections as you told me. on a scale from 0 to 10, how much do you rate the letter?

Letters / The feeling you get once you achieve something is extraordinary... my first motivation letter [15]

there was not format or instructions for this letter, its one page exactly, single spaced and about 1 inch margin. chech this version please. Provide me of any grammatical mistakes (if any)

Subject: Motivation letter for the 2215 - Graduate Scholarship Program for International Students
Dear Sir/ Madam,
The fact that when any individual gains knowledge in a particular subject, his awareness of the unknown about that topic becomes greater, I have been fascinated by the world of science and technology as far back as I can remember, the ability of the human mind to create new technological and scientific inventions in order to improve the standards of the life we know answers the questions about the higher purpose of our minds.

I believe that education is the most important asset and quality of a man and one should attempt his best to acquire it. As the top student of my class for eleven years in a row, my family always encouraged me to become a doctor, but I had no interest in that field. I'm currently one semester away from holding my BSc degree in telecommunications engineering, this major has a direct impact on every living person, in the present world, communication plays key role in all the development activities from economy to all relations in national and international activities, it's a divers field of engineering and the work ranges from basic circuits design to strategic mass development.

As a senior student, I've chosen a challenging field of research yet an interesting one for my graduation thesis; it's related to Sound Source Localization. I'm building a prototype of a camera which is steered automatically by two motors based on the direction of arrival of sound obtained by an array of microphones. I am seriously considering specializing in this field and further my research in it, and I am confident of contributing significantly to this field so that I can become one of the major contributors to it. The ability of localizing more than one sound source at the same time and reducing the complexity of computations in order to make real-time applications related to communications, security and many other fields is only possible if I continue my research through a Master Degree and a few years later by a PhD degree at one of the best Turkish academic institutions.

The Scientific and Technological Research Council of Turkey (TÜBİTAK) has more than 2,500 researchers working at 15 different subordinate institutes and research centers being responsible for developing science, technology and innovation. TUBITAK has represented Turkey in nearly all international science and technology cooperation activities. I am keenly interested in being a part of this leading agency, especially in one of the advanced countries. The 2215 - Graduate Scholarship Program for International Students is the golden opportunity to strengthen and enrich myself that I've waited my whole life in order to achieve my long-term goal which is to put my footprints in the field of communications engineering through contributions of original ideas and translating those ideas to end applications and products. In this endeavor, I have a strong desire to contribute significantly to the human society by using knowledge to serve the greater good and make people lives easier.

Sincerely,

Tariq Mahmoud

Letters / The feeling you get once you achieve something is extraordinary... my first motivation letter [15]


i thought that it was some kind of a long essay and i will try to make it less longer. Its less than 2 pages, single spaced and with 1 inch margin.

i've made the " i have a strong desire ..." the last sentence but can modify this letter as you suggested instead of writting a new one? writting was never one of strongest abilities and im really busy these days and the due date is getting sooner.

Letters / The feeling you get once you achieve something is extraordinary... my first motivation letter [15]

Your previous notes helped me alot, i would like to know about this SOP letter.

Subject: Motivation letter for the 2215 - Graduate Scholarship Program for International Students
Dear Sir/ Madam,
"That's good, but I want a better result next time". That's what my beloved mother used to tell me whenever I get the result of an exam, even if it was a full mark. I was a kid and being the top student of my class for eleven years in a row didn't seem to help me grasp what she was trying to teach me, the last year of my basic education was like any other, until some day when the social councilor of my school came to our class and told us about a competition in our district related to educational issues. The competition criteria was based on researches done by students trying to find an efficient solution for any educational problem, my research was about low academic performance, I studied its causes and the best ways to achieve better academic results. All of my work paid off when I won the first place among many other students.

My grandparents had to leave Palestine in 1948 and came to Jordan and lived here with nothing at all, we lost everything. Ever since that day we as a family believe that education is the most important asset and quality of a man and one should attempt his best to acquire it. As the first born child in my family, my family always encouraged me to become a doctor, but I had no interest in that field, I've always wanted to become an engineer, and I did. I'm currently one semester away from holding my BSc degree in telecommunications engineering, I've chosen this major due to its direct impact on every living person, in the present world communication plays key role in all the development activities from economy to all relations in national and international activities, it's a divers field of engineering and the work ranges from basic circuits design to strategic mass development.

My freshman year in college was the best; I achieved a high GPA (3.75/4), made new good relationships and enjoyed every aspect of my studies. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to keep my GPA as good as it was, it's currently (3.1/4) and I admit it, I didn't like the compulsory courses I had to take due to the university rules and I had no interest in courses not related to my field of studies. And since I've passed every course of them I just didn't care. Nowadays, I'm paying the price of it, I'm working harder than ever to achieve better results and raise my performance as they say "better late than never". The graduation project I've chosen is related to Sound Source Localization, I'm building a prototype of a camera which is steered automatically by two motors based on the direction of arrival of sound obtained by an array of microphones. It's a challenging field of research yet an interesting one, I am seriously considering specializing in this field and further my research in it, and I am confident of contributing significantly to this field so that I can become one of the major contributors to it. The ability of localizing more than one sound source at the same time and reducing the complexity of computations in order to make real-time applications related to communications, security and many other fields is only possible if I continue my research through Masters Degree and a few years later by a PhD degree.

The Scientific and Technological Research Council of Turkey (TÜBİTAK) has more than 2,500 researchers working at 15 different subordinate institutes and research centers being responsible for developing science, technology and innovation (STI) policies, supporting and conducting research and development activities. TUBITAK has represented Turkey in nearly all international science and technology cooperation activities. I am keenly interested in being a part of this leading agency, and the 2215 - Graduate Scholarship Program for International Students is the golden opportunity to strengthen and enrich myself that I've waited my whole life in order to achieve my long-term goal which is to put my footprints in the field of communications engineering through contributions of original ideas and translating those ideas to end applications and products. In this endeavor, I want to make what my mother always tried to teach me become true; contribute significantly to the human society by using knowledge to serve the greater good and make people lives easier.

I am grateful for considering my application and I look forward to a favorable reply.

Sincerely,
Tariq Mahmoud.

Scholarship / 'how to apply and what to write?' - Self introduction essay for KGSP scholarship [8]

What do i have to say if the scholarship is provided for many majors and the scholarship committee is just providing it, i.e. they will provide the tuition fees and the choice of the course is set by the scholarship holder?

Letters / The feeling you get once you achieve something is extraordinary... my first motivation letter [15]

Thank you for your great help.