Expeke
Sep 15, 2014
Undergraduate / "Family and Dialect" - UC Application Prompt One [3]
Thanks! I'll look over yours later so I can learn.
Thanks! I'll look over yours later so I can learn.
Expeke
Sep 15, 2014
Undergraduate / USNA Personal Statement - opportunity to study Aerospace engineering at the academy [3]
"He succeeded instilling in me, througout life, the values he learned in the navy..."
"...at the Naval Academy -a moral, mental, and physical one- that makes me wish..."
Try using commas only when nescessary. I'm just dropping by in class really quick so there are more errors.
"He succeeded instilling in me, througout life, the values he learned in the navy..."
"...at the Naval Academy -a moral, mental, and physical one- that makes me wish..."
Try using commas only when nescessary. I'm just dropping by in class really quick so there are more errors.
Expeke
Sep 15, 2014
Undergraduate / "Family and Dialect" - UC Application Prompt One [3]
Hello! I need opinions and help from different people. I have mixed thoughts about my essay and would really appreciate any help. This is for undergraduate admission. Thanks a lot.
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
In the small city of Alhambra one can expect to be enthralled by its immigrant culture. Exploring this suburb is equivalent to traveling through different corners of the world, grabbing them and mashing them into one melting pot. Separate neighborhoods dominated by different ethnicities collaborate to celebrate citywide festivities. Nestled in between Los Angeles, Monterey Park, Pasadena, and smack dab in the heart of the six two six area code, Alhambra is a city one may overlook. But the ones that do discover this place become immersed in its mixed culture and find peace as if they are right at home.
Generations of my family have lived in this city for over 40 years and they embody the various citizens.My mother was born and raised in the bustling streets of Hong Kong while my father sprung from the humble countryside of China. Although they were not very geographically far apart, they were very far apart in language. The Chinese language has a vast amount of dialects and my parents, from different provinces, speak dialects that aredifferent from each. Growing up in between my parents, I needed to learn both dialects since I needed to communicate with both sides of my family.
When I would talk to a cousin from my father's side, he or she would laugh at me since I didn't really master both languages individually, but rather often mixed the two in some parts of speech making it obvious that I wasn't a "true Chinese". When I traveled to Hong Kong alone at the age of 12, I expected to be welcomed but I was looked at as another Americanized Chinese tourist. In Asia, I found it very difficult to communicate with others in this mixed dialect, but in America it seems as if my parents and their respective families do not mind the trouble and act as if the contrasting dialects were nonexistent. When there are family gatherings, with my paternal grandparents who reside with us and visiting aunts, uncles, and cousins from Hong Kong, everyone is overjoyed and talkative.
I realized then that my family had no trouble communicating through these different dialects because they didn't care about the complications. They are one; they are family. I see now that barriers such as language and different dialects cannot hold back such aninclusive and presiding force. We find a way to communicate to each other in order to support one another throughout life. To me, working and living together while setting aside our differences is the ultimate way to improve the quality of life and find true happiness though multi-generational family.
I am now more cognizant of how I want to raise my future family and understand that slight hindrances cannot falter the most important ideal of family and communion. My cultural heritage, however mixed, is essential to me and passing along the language and customs to my children will be a life goal.
Hello! I need opinions and help from different people. I have mixed thoughts about my essay and would really appreciate any help. This is for undergraduate admission. Thanks a lot.
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
In the small city of Alhambra one can expect to be enthralled by its immigrant culture. Exploring this suburb is equivalent to traveling through different corners of the world, grabbing them and mashing them into one melting pot. Separate neighborhoods dominated by different ethnicities collaborate to celebrate citywide festivities. Nestled in between Los Angeles, Monterey Park, Pasadena, and smack dab in the heart of the six two six area code, Alhambra is a city one may overlook. But the ones that do discover this place become immersed in its mixed culture and find peace as if they are right at home.
Generations of my family have lived in this city for over 40 years and they embody the various citizens.My mother was born and raised in the bustling streets of Hong Kong while my father sprung from the humble countryside of China. Although they were not very geographically far apart, they were very far apart in language. The Chinese language has a vast amount of dialects and my parents, from different provinces, speak dialects that aredifferent from each. Growing up in between my parents, I needed to learn both dialects since I needed to communicate with both sides of my family.
When I would talk to a cousin from my father's side, he or she would laugh at me since I didn't really master both languages individually, but rather often mixed the two in some parts of speech making it obvious that I wasn't a "true Chinese". When I traveled to Hong Kong alone at the age of 12, I expected to be welcomed but I was looked at as another Americanized Chinese tourist. In Asia, I found it very difficult to communicate with others in this mixed dialect, but in America it seems as if my parents and their respective families do not mind the trouble and act as if the contrasting dialects were nonexistent. When there are family gatherings, with my paternal grandparents who reside with us and visiting aunts, uncles, and cousins from Hong Kong, everyone is overjoyed and talkative.
I realized then that my family had no trouble communicating through these different dialects because they didn't care about the complications. They are one; they are family. I see now that barriers such as language and different dialects cannot hold back such aninclusive and presiding force. We find a way to communicate to each other in order to support one another throughout life. To me, working and living together while setting aside our differences is the ultimate way to improve the quality of life and find true happiness though multi-generational family.
I am now more cognizant of how I want to raise my future family and understand that slight hindrances cannot falter the most important ideal of family and communion. My cultural heritage, however mixed, is essential to me and passing along the language and customs to my children will be a life goal.