Undergraduate / 'being trapped within the confines of anxiety and fear' - UC Personal Statement [3]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Ok so I put this together real quick, just want some suggestions, more specifically on how to make it more interesting.

The soft breeze blew my hair opposite to my natural hair part, as I sat there. Annoyed, I awkwardly slapped it back to its origination. Screams of delight and happiness filled my ears, but it was the complete antithesis of what I felt inside. Inside, there was sorrow, regret, and want. I wanted to be like the other kids, talking and playing on the jungle gym, but I could not do it, being trapped within the confines of my anxiety and fear.

I suffered of Selective Mutism for about six years of my life, from kindergarten to fifth grade. Sitting and watching the kids play is what my recess consisted of everyday. I was the most talkative parrot at home but at school I was always the quietest. I only spoke to teachers when I needed to use the restroom and never spoke to my peers or even acknowledged them except for a simple nod or shake of the head. I never had any friends. It is sad because I never got treated for it, I guess it eventually went away given I had half a decade to do so. But even in middle school I was still extremely shy, however I was at least able to answer to my peers verbally. Selective Mutism took over my life, it may have diminished but to this day I still deal with the aftermath. I am working on my social skills and I have made great progress. I got my first real job in the spring of my junior year and for talking to 1000 people maximum each week after not being socialized with people it was a big deal. I quit my job later that year but I came out a new person. It is beautiful what is has done to me and how much I have improved socially. It has almost made me numb to anxiety due to all the high stress situations of customers yelling at your face.

The negative effects have clearly been prominent however there has been one positive effect I deeply cherish: perceptivity. In all the years I had not spoken, I just sat and observed. Over the years I developed a mind-reading-like quality. Even today I still analyze people. Their body language, they way they act when no one is looking, their demeanor...and I use it to my advantage. Sometimes I wonder why I had to suffer from selective mutism but then I remember my perceptivity and I realize it may not have been that bad after all.