BlueRose99
Sep 25, 2014
Scholarship / "Intellectual excitement" and "Meaningful commitment" short answers [3]
Thank you! I try to fix the second answer.
Thank you! I try to fix the second answer.
BlueRose99
Sep 24, 2014
Scholarship / I Am a Mirror - Questbridge Biographical Essay: what most shaped your personal life and aspirations? [6]
I enjoyed it but I think some things can be changed or moved around.
For it to flow better, I would put the part about your uncle right after the sentence "The biggest regret of her life..." and change "Finally" to "Then". I would also move the sentence "I will treasure my opportunities..." to the end of the paragraph and change the beginning of the sentence to something like "They both taught me to treasure my opportunities..." This way, it unifies the experiences and mistakes of your mom and uncle and the concluding sentence would refer back to the main point of the paragraph.
I enjoyed it but I think some things can be changed or moved around.
For it to flow better, I would put the part about your uncle right after the sentence "The biggest regret of her life..." and change "Finally" to "Then". I would also move the sentence "I will treasure my opportunities..." to the end of the paragraph and change the beginning of the sentence to something like "They both taught me to treasure my opportunities..." This way, it unifies the experiences and mistakes of your mom and uncle and the concluding sentence would refer back to the main point of the paragraph.
BlueRose99
Sep 24, 2014
Undergraduate / The Importance of Diversity - Cultural Food Day (Questbridge Prompt 2) [6]
I think the essay is good overall. There are a few grammatical errors but the ending sentence- "And it's so important that we keep doing that."- seems disconnected from the essay as a whole and can really be removed without losing significant meaning to the essay. If you were to replace that sentence with one that focused on what did diversity add- a sense of unity, understanding, acceptance, ect- it would explain the impact diversity had that day on you and give the reader an insight to its importance.
I think the essay is good overall. There are a few grammatical errors but the ending sentence- "And it's so important that we keep doing that."- seems disconnected from the essay as a whole and can really be removed without losing significant meaning to the essay. If you were to replace that sentence with one that focused on what did diversity add- a sense of unity, understanding, acceptance, ect- it would explain the impact diversity had that day on you and give the reader an insight to its importance.
BlueRose99
Sep 24, 2014
Scholarship / "Intellectual excitement" and "Meaningful commitment" short answers [3]
Hi, these are two short answers responses that I'm a little iffy about. So, any critique is welcomed.
Describe which single activity/interest listed above represents your most meaningful commitment and why?(400 characters)
Becoming a violinist is my most meaningful commitment. By participating in an orchestra , I learned the importance of trust. The trust that I placed in my fellow musicians and the trust that was placed in me united and inspired us to perform to the best of our abilities. By working as a team, we fueled our desire to preform better and worked on each other's flaws while improving our talents.
Tell us about a concept or subject that intellectually excites you. Why does it interest you?(200 words)
We all begin life as a cell, a microscopic cell that contains its own organelles and somehow knows how to develop into a complex organism. Our body is capable of preforming the most critical of tasks for keeping us alive, all involuntarily and unconsciously. Yet, sometimes our body malfunctions for no reason and becomes our own worst enemy. It is the way our body functions on a cellular level, the anomalies that interfere, and the role our environment plays in our survival that has me immersed in biology.
"What causes people to be born without certain organs?", "Why does cancer develop?" and "Why do some live longer than others?" are just some of the questions that intrigue me and make me wonder about the secrets that are kept within our body. Searching for these answers, uncovering the puzzles and understanding how bodily functions overlap to either create or solve problems drives not only my quest for knowledge but also raises my appreciation for biology.
Hi, these are two short answers responses that I'm a little iffy about. So, any critique is welcomed.
Describe which single activity/interest listed above represents your most meaningful commitment and why?(400 characters)
Becoming a violinist is my most meaningful commitment. By participating in an orchestra , I learned the importance of trust. The trust that I placed in my fellow musicians and the trust that was placed in me united and inspired us to perform to the best of our abilities. By working as a team, we fueled our desire to preform better and worked on each other's flaws while improving our talents.
Tell us about a concept or subject that intellectually excites you. Why does it interest you?(200 words)
We all begin life as a cell, a microscopic cell that contains its own organelles and somehow knows how to develop into a complex organism. Our body is capable of preforming the most critical of tasks for keeping us alive, all involuntarily and unconsciously. Yet, sometimes our body malfunctions for no reason and becomes our own worst enemy. It is the way our body functions on a cellular level, the anomalies that interfere, and the role our environment plays in our survival that has me immersed in biology.
"What causes people to be born without certain organs?", "Why does cancer develop?" and "Why do some live longer than others?" are just some of the questions that intrigue me and make me wonder about the secrets that are kept within our body. Searching for these answers, uncovering the puzzles and understanding how bodily functions overlap to either create or solve problems drives not only my quest for knowledge but also raises my appreciation for biology.
