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"Intellectual excitement" and "Meaningful commitment" short answers


BlueRose99 1 / 3 1  
Sep 24, 2014   #1
Hi, these are two short answers responses that I'm a little iffy about. So, any critique is welcomed.

Describe which single activity/interest listed above represents your most meaningful commitment and why?(400 characters)

Becoming a violinist is my most meaningful commitment. By participating in an orchestra , I learned the importance of trust. The trust that I placed in my fellow musicians and the trust that was placed in me united and inspired us to perform to the best of our abilities. By working as a team, we fueled our desire to preform better and worked on each other's flaws while improving our talents.

Tell us about a concept or subject that intellectually excites you. Why does it interest you?(200 words)

We all begin life as a cell, a microscopic cell that contains its own organelles and somehow knows how to develop into a complex organism. Our body is capable of preforming the most critical of tasks for keeping us alive, all involuntarily and unconsciously. Yet, sometimes our body malfunctions for no reason and becomes our own worst enemy. It is the way our body functions on a cellular level, the anomalies that interfere, and the role our environment plays in our survival that has me immersed in biology.

"What causes people to be born without certain organs?", "Why does cancer develop?" and "Why do some live longer than others?" are just some of the questions that intrigue me and make me wonder about the secrets that are kept within our body. Searching for these answers, uncovering the puzzles and understanding how bodily functions overlap to either create or solve problems drives not only my quest for knowledge but also raises my appreciation for biology.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 24, 2014   #2
Your first essay is an excellent example of your work ethic and sense of teamwork. It is highly admirable that you were able to translate your commitment to your orchestra and craft within the allotted word count. You even have 7 letters to spare :-) I am wondering though, if this activity could somehow be related to the major you are applying to? The more closely you can align your answers to the major you hope to be accepted in, the better it would be for you :-)

"What causes people to be born without certain organs?", "Why does cancer develop?" and "Why do some live longer than others?" are just some of the questions that intrigue me and make me wonder about the secrets that are kept within our body..

- The reason I would like you to skip directly to the questions you are asking is because the questions are the concepts that you find yourself questioning. After you present your questions, you can then discuss how these questions led you to your love of biology and a desire to learn more about the human body and all living things. By doing so, you will be able to present a solid idea as to how your past interests led you to this chosen major.
OP BlueRose99 1 / 3 1  
Sep 25, 2014   #3
Thank you! I try to fix the second answer.


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