Posts by Diesel

Diesel

Oct 23, 2014

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: It is better to wait in patience than take action. [13]

Thanks for your targeted critiques indeed! Could you point out some word fillers from the essay?You mean it is unneccessary to write "First, Second"beforemy discussion?

Diesel

Oct 23, 2014

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: It is better to wait in patience than take action. [13]

Thanks, I've tried to write another topic and my request shares the same as the former one.
I still write about a survey, but it appears to be common enough this time.Could you offer some critiques?

When teachers assign projects on which students must work together, students will learn much more efficiently than ask them to do alone?

Will individual working provide students with chance to tailor their pace and thus study more efficiently? Although there is some truth to claim that working alone enables students to complete the project with their planned rate and work load, it neglects to recognize that working together can create the atmosphere of cooperation as well as inevitable competition, both of which are universally recognized to improve efficiency to a considerable extent.

First, the cooperation among the group is conducive to enhancing learning efficiency. It is known to all that best ideas which lead to resolve tough problems quickly come from the teamwork, because when grouping together, chances are great that teammates hold rights to contribute their own ideas while discussing with each other. Through the debates, they are able to pick up the feasible ones and discard the irrational ones, thereby refining an optimal thought. For example, once our linguistic teacher gave us assignment about "dialects in our campus", my classmates all felt overwhelmed due to the lack of complete flowcharts; however, when we tried to form groups, the process suddenly became more efficient. A big discussion aimed at group thinking, allowed us to reap practical sampling methods such as online poll or questionnaire, and detailed plans about how to analyze collected data and then integrate into a required report.

Second, students' efficiency can also be improved by the competition involved in group. A former study has backed up the idea. The study conducted by Education Online, after tracking 43,578 students from 30 foreign language schools nationwide, found that 84.2% of the students perform better during the group-oriented tasks than individual-oriented ones. In terms of top students, the rate is even higher. And the study also suggests, on the one hand, when students are in group work, the tendency of shunning condemns prevents he occurrence of sluggish behaviors. On the other hand, peer pressure, which challenges their will to do their best, inspires their potential and compels them spare no efforts to keep pace with or even surpass other team mates, and therefore students' efficiency is increased to a large extent

To sum up, it is reasonable to say students will learn much more efficiently working in group than doing alone because the cooperation and competition make a difference. If the individual work designed to improve the average level of the team member is somewhat necessary as the supplement.

Diesel

Oct 11, 2014

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: It is better to wait in patience than take action. [13]

In TOEFL tests, it is best to use popular information because that will show your familiarity with the English language and culture.

vangiespen, I cannot fully understand the quotes above. so please elaborate again.Thanks a lot!

The example of the Ministry of Public Medical Service is aimed to illustrate "early detection contributes to easy treatment", which reflects the significance of taking actions in medical field.

Diesel

Oct 11, 2014

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: It is better to wait in patience than take action. [13]

I've written a new essay with the same topic.

Here's my request: I want to receive some aid about examining and sorting out the argument logic, correcting as well as upgrading the language usage, and possibly the most important one: giving me some advice about how to make my essay more fitful for a native writer's thinking modes in 30 minutes.

Thanks a lot, vangiespen! ^v^

THE NEW ESSAY GOES >>>

Is patience a better choice for it can contribute to more adequate preparation? While it is a little true that patience furnishes us with enough time to refine our decision, it ignores that taking action can really make access to the solution of problems more quickly, avoiding delay on some critical circumstance particularly.

On the one hand, taking action furnishes us with opportunities to seize the optimal moments to solve serious problems. The reason is that people are capable of bringing under control different kinds of elements which are critical to the solution in the early stage with minimal effort. Just as a proverb goes "early detection contributes to early treatment", a research conducted by experts from the Ministry of Public Medical Service, aiming at find the relationship between rates of the survival rate of lung cancer and the time when cancer was discovered, demonstrated that 83.8% of the healing is attributed to the timely treatment in early stage, especially when patients suffered form respire chronicles discover suspected symptom of the cancer and seek medical aid without delay. The conclusion suggests, owing to immediate action, the proliferate rate of the malignant tumors can be monitored and mastered, which provides doctors with the optimal moments as well as abundant options to treat the touchy diseases devoid of sophisticated operates,". That is why the timely action means the supreme occasions to crack the trouble.

On the other hand, people are more likely to get hold of more practical feedbacks by taking instant actions. Action, which epitomizes being confronted with problems at the positive angle, enables us to understand "trial and error" truly in the entire events and collect realistic feedbacks-a regulator for future goals-which cannot be obtained through passive waiting. Take my first linguistic study as an example. Last semester, I got involved with a voluntary survey about the influence of migrant workers' dialects to their children in South Bank Community. At first, I kept encountered with difficulties such as how to design targeted questionnaires; however, every time I felt puzzled, I would take actions by revising items according to the response or searching for further guidance on Google to upgrade my questionnaires.. Eventually, not only have I completed the project with high levels, but also felt confident about my graduate assignment due to the already accumulated feasible methods to improve survey.

As discussed above, taking action can serve as a catalyst in coping with serious issues effectively and acquiring feedbacks actively, so I am approved that taking action is better than waiting in patience. Imagine that if people grow into a habit into thinking before acting, the result will be better.

Diesel

Oct 5, 2014

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: It is better to wait in patience than take action. [13]

Your comment is really to the point, so I'd say thanks! In fact, I'm imposed to discuss the topic case by case because I'll feel painful to come up with 3 mutually exclusive subpoints(mostly cause of effect of the topic) to support my ideas sometimes. Maybe I'll just work out 2 inferior statements like "patience functions as security for better choice" and "patience can aviod mistakes" , and then lose the train of thought. In addition, when discussing case by case, I'm yearning for more persuasive proofs, so I'd like to focus on more expansive ones, such as international affairs, however, I've spent more than 2 hours on composing and revising my article since it is hard to describe the affairs properly, so vangiespen, I'm sincere to wait for your guidance.

Diesel

Oct 4, 2014

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: It is better to wait in patience than take action. [13]

Is patience a better choice for it can contribute to more adequate preparation? While it is a little true that patience furnishes us with enough time to refine our decision, it ignores that taking action can really make access to the solution of problems more quickly, avoiding delay on some critical circumstance particularly.

First, it is wiser to take action soon when individuals are confronted with emergency. A research conducted by experts from the Ministry of Public Medical Service, aiming at find the relationship between rates of the death of cancer and the time when cancer discovered, demonstrated that 76.8% of the ultimate death is caused by the delay of the treatment, especially when patients have realized the aggravating condition but deny to take immediate action. The conclusion suggests that the longer wait means the smaller possibility of curing their diseases, since hosts of viruses proliferate at such an amazing speed that the progression of disease seems faster than what we will imagine, and sometimes, the agents in one tissue can be transferred to another part, giving rise to more touchy problems owing to the lack of timely control.

Moreover, when states encounter with the secure conflicts, actions must be taken immediately. It is known to all that the matters concerning territorial rights should not be negotiated. Taking action without delay can exert an influence to suppress the arrogant status of invaders, maintain the independence of own country and guarantee the normal development of national economics. Take the Battle of Pearl Island as an example. The US troops' instant response to Japan's invasion has corrupted Japan's ambition to conquer the Pacific Region, preventing wars from expanding, thereby bringing back the global tense of World War II. The event can also be deciphered as defend of the US territorial interests, and the post-war prosper in American economics can be attributed to the event. That's why the rapid action acts as an indispensible role in national affairs.

Last but not the least, the environmental problems render the whole society to get involved with at once. Since the side-effects of economic development and urbanization such as pollutant emission have posed threats to human beings, ever-urgent becomes the public's engagement into retarding the process. For example, Global warming, which results from carbon emission as well as serves as a catalyst of thawing in polar glaciers, formerly leads to the increase of sea level with 5 centimeters per year, but according to recent data from the UN climate summit, after the global law on restrict carbon emission was implemented, the increase has been curbed within 2 centimeters per year and predicted even lower in the future decade

As discussed above, instant action can serve as a catalyst in coping with issues regardless of individuals, countries, or the whole society, so I must concede that taking action is better than waiting in patience.