Undergraduate / Activities / vacations / values - (Princeton University Supplemental) [3]

Reading your third essay I was moved, I've been through the same experiences and it wasn't until my Junior year in High School that I started viewing it in the same way as you. I thought I'd share a quote - and a book - with you that I think you would probably gain something out of.

"One must shed the bad taste of wanting to agree with many. "Good" is no longer good when one's neighbor mouths it. And how should there be a "common good"! The term contradicts itself: whatever can be common always has little value. In the end it must be as it is and always has been: great things remain for the great, abysses for the profound, nuances and shudders for the refined, and, in brief, all that is rare for the rare."

― Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

Right now I don't have time to edit it; however, I do have some points I'd like to share with you. I have to go pick up my dad from the airport though lol. I'll get on it as soon as I get back. Great essay though, it really did move me. The Adcoms will love it.

Undergraduate / My stay at a boarding school in Eastern Nigeria (a symbol of my coming of age) [8]

"It's very peculiar for an individual to cite an event that occurred ten years into his life as the significant event that marked his transition from an innocent mindset to a more mature mindset." -A bit wordy for the first sentence in that paragraph, also a bit awkward at times. Not exactly sure what's causing the awkwardness, maybe it's the word "Individual". Actually, the problem might be that the transition from a playful tone in the first paragraph is major contrast to the opening of that first sentece in the next. Your idea is on point, and is great; however, my advice would be to restructure it in a way that sounds less obscure and overally formal. This advice might be a little bit of personal preference, so take it with a grain of salt. Becasue

"the norm which makes this event a central part of me." - "The norm, which" - insert a comma there. Grammatically speaking, which signifies a non-essential clause and is supposed to be followed with a comma. Or another solution that could be better would be to omit the "which" all together - because a which is supposed to target a specific pronoun that occurs right before it, and in this case, you are speaking of the entire transformation - so a better option could be to substitute it with a participle phrase. Maybe it could be " the norm, making this event a central part of me," but yet again, this is a college essay and does not have to be entirely formal. So take it with a grain of salt, and do what you think sounds best.

Right now I actually have to go pick up my dad From the airport, I'll get back to looking at the rest of your essay when I get home.

Feel Free to take a look at mine though :)