Kevstevbot
Oct 23, 2014
Undergraduate / MIT Supplements: Culture/Activity for Pleasure/Department/Attribute/Challenge [4]
Essay #1 It flows nicely and reads well, think about replacing one of these(preferably the first one), "Cambodian magazines next to books by John Steinbeck, peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a side of coconut rice pudding" with a Cambodian and American tradition your family celebrates. It could add a lot your essay; diversity, excitement, teaches the reader about your culture
Essay #2 Perfect
Essay #3 Really well written! Critiques: I would change or delete the word "awareness", the essay is a 10/10 in the first few sentences, but seems to decline a little as it goes on, try to rethink, what you might want to say in your last two
Essay #4 "This compassion stems from the time I witnessed a man pay for the groceries of an elderly couple behind him. . .I set out to be just like that man." I know this may be a very important part of your life, but because the word limit is so small, it is very hard to convey its importance and the emotion behind it also it somewhat distracts from the rest of the essay, so in my opinion I would leave it out
Essay #6 If you can find room, Go into a little more detail about how you stopped. was it just instantaneous? was it really challenging? did you throw away all of the sweets you had?
Amazing Job Overall! I learned a lot from your writing! GoodLuck!
ps: sorry for any typos/incorrect grammer
Essay #1 It flows nicely and reads well, think about replacing one of these(preferably the first one), "Cambodian magazines next to books by John Steinbeck, peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a side of coconut rice pudding" with a Cambodian and American tradition your family celebrates. It could add a lot your essay; diversity, excitement, teaches the reader about your culture
Essay #2 Perfect
Essay #3 Really well written! Critiques: I would change or delete the word "awareness", the essay is a 10/10 in the first few sentences, but seems to decline a little as it goes on, try to rethink, what you might want to say in your last two
Essay #4 "This compassion stems from the time I witnessed a man pay for the groceries of an elderly couple behind him. . .I set out to be just like that man." I know this may be a very important part of your life, but because the word limit is so small, it is very hard to convey its importance and the emotion behind it also it somewhat distracts from the rest of the essay, so in my opinion I would leave it out
Essay #6 If you can find room, Go into a little more detail about how you stopped. was it just instantaneous? was it really challenging? did you throw away all of the sweets you had?
Amazing Job Overall! I learned a lot from your writing! GoodLuck!
ps: sorry for any typos/incorrect grammer