Undergraduate / - "My effective leadership": an MIT application essay - [3]

What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

Draft 3 (Polished but long)

I was never a born leader; I used to be a reticent boy who lacked the confidence to look people in their eyes. Ironically, I was born in a world where leadership, above all other valuable skills, was a necessity for me. I had no choice but to adapt gradually and learn to lead.

First came self-leadership. In a school where bad habits like skipping classes and smoking were prevalent, I had to fight the urge to succumb to peer pressure while maintaining a good relationship with others. It required constant self-awareness and management, and plenty of communication skills. I also realized then that leading oneself is the hardest thing to do, and that leading others would come easily after that.

Being the eldest son in my family, I was given the responsibility to lead and take care of younger siblings. I took it as an opportunity to experiment leadership techniques I learned from reading. However, I felt it was my sincere love for my little bro, not the tips from great leaders, that ultimately pushed me to become the best role model for him. This was when I learned that I needed not only knowledge from books but also passion from heart to become a good leader.

At school, I was always chosen as a class monitor because I usually scored highest in class. (It was quite an irrelevant method but I benefited a lot from it.) I quelled my initially shy nature to live up to the needs of my new role. Later, I became comfortable enough with my leadership role to become a member of the school council and then the president of the Math 4 Life club, where we shared challenging math problems with friends and juniors, and together, tried to view life's adversities in different ways.

Throughout my journey to cultivate effective leadership, I went through a gradual transformation from "a quiet bookworm" to a sociable and confident person in my community. In addition to promoting personal growth and self-esteem, effective leadership has also helped me strengthen bonds with people around me, and given me unprecedented gratification: nothing can compare to the joy of knowing that our team made it to the National Math Olympiad or the comfort after successfully organizing the annual awarding ceremony. Leadership is a brilliant face of my personality and something I will continue to nurture in my life. (398 words)

Final, acceptable draft:

Hesitant and shy, I was never a born leader, but I grew up in a world where leadership was a necessity to succeed. My personality adapted to the needs of its environment..

First came self-leadership. In a school where bad habits like skipping classes and smoking were prevalent, I had to fight the urge to succumb to peer pressure while maintaining a good relationship with others. It required constant self-awareness and management. This experience made me realize that leading oneself was the hardest form of leadership. Next was downward leadership. Being the eldest son in family, I was given the authority and responsibility to lead and take care of younger siblings. I took it as an opportunity to help me grow my leadership skills. Then came peer leadership at school. I was always chosen as a class monitor because of my scores. I quelled my initially shy nature to satisfy the needs of my new role. As my leadership skills developed, I was later elected as a representative of student council and the president of Math club.

Throughout my journey to cultivate effective leadership, I went through a gradual transformation from "a quiet bookworm" to a sociable and confident person. Besides promoting personal growth and self-esteem, effective leadership has brought great fulfillment to both me and my community, such as the joy of knowing that our team made it to the National Math Olympiad or the comfort after successfully organizing the annual awarding ceremony. Leadership is a brilliant face of my personality and a skill I will continue to nurture in my life.

NOTE: Italicized phrases are those I am unsure of and want to replace.

Did my response answer the question? How does it sound? Does it lack something? How can I improve it?

The messages I want to give to admission officer are:
1. I'm a capable leader.
2. How well I lead.
3. The benefits for me and others

Undergraduate / "One Piece"; "dad's old laptop"; "two years between graduation and moving to US" - essays for MIT [3]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

Every weekend, I call my little brother into my room, and with excitement, we would turn on the laptop and begin to watch "One Piece". As I join Luffy and his nakama (friends) on their voyage, any stress or tiredness I might have felt at school disappears immediately. The bond between me and my brother also grows stronger as we laugh, shout, and cry watching the Straw Hat Pirates in their adventures and struggles. They say One Piece, with over 650 episodes, is only 60% complete, which means we can enjoy it for 10 more years. I couldn't be happier.

(100 words)

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

During my high school years, I was stuck with my dad's old laptop which couldn't run most programs and games, and I was always afraid to look at their system requirements. I had this one dream to create affordable high performance computers for every student in developing countries. Upon my visit to the EECS department, I was instantly attracted to course 6-3 because it can make my dream a reality. I can't wait to use MIT's facilities and opportunities such as UROPs and ICP, to enrich myself and to share the benefits of my MIT education with the world. (99 words)

Are you still attending school? (*)

Yes No
If no, what have you been doing since you left school? (please limit your answer to 400 words or fewer):

When I graduated from high school at the age of sixteen, I decided to study abroad as I found rote learning, which is commonly practiced in my country, to be inefficient. It took about two years between graduation and moving to US. Those years helped me mature, discover my goals and pursue my passion.

During the first few months after high school, I couldn't balance between work and play. After stressful matriculation exam, I just wanted to have fun with friends. I also became addicted to online gaming on which I spent hundreds of hours. As I watched my friends go to local colleges, I realized that I had wasted the last few months.

With this realization combined with guidance from my mom and self-discipline, I learned to prioritize important things in life. I started taking SAT classes. I spent more time with family, and helped my brother and cousin with their math problems. From this, I moved on to tutoring a high school senior on Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry, and found out the thrill and joy of helping someone understand an obscure math concept. Since I won Yangon Mathematical Olympiad in high school, I was invited to take part in National Mathematical Olympiad and I ranked 8th in the top ten finalists.

Besides, I volunteered to teach blind students at the Kyi Myin Daing School for the Blind, and got a lot of energy and motivation from them in return. Besides, I was inspired by Japanese animations to learn Japanese and, from doing so, I was lucky enough to be selected as one of the youth representatives from Myanmar to participate in Kizuna Project from Japan. In Kizuna Project, I learned a lot about the value of friendship and helping others. Upon return from Japan, I enlisted to volunteer at Shweparmai Healthcare Foundation, which provides free medical care to poor people in Myanmar.

Meanwhile, I tried my best to get my hands on Shakespearean literature and other English classics that I couldn't read during busy high school days. Fascinated by the existence of online education, I also prepared for college with lessons from Khan Acadmey and MIT OpenCourseWare. In addition, I also participated in several MOOCs at edX and Coursera. On my free time, I learn digital illustration online at Lynda and Digital Tutors. Occasionally, I also write Tumblr blogs about my life and on topics of my interest. (400 words)

Thanks for taking your time to read, and if possible, please give me your honest feedback and suggestions.