piraka9011
Oct 29, 2014
Undergraduate / Home is Where Honduras is - some things are best when together - my goal and passion [5]
Hi AndrewT,
In my opinion, you should have a title. That's what I was also told by a professional editor.
Your first paragraph was well structured and presented your identity/culture, however the second para. could use some work:
"Years later, by letting time takes its course and taking advantage of the opportunities my school offered me, I found out what my passion was. I knew that I loved the idea of engineering. It was then that it hit me. I realized that I could accomplish my goal through my passion. "
Sounds awkward, especially when you immediately say that you realized what you could do. Try to fit it all together.
Nice ending!
Hi AndrewT,
In my opinion, you should have a title. That's what I was also told by a professional editor.
Your first paragraph was well structured and presented your identity/culture, however the second para. could use some work:
"Years later, by letting time takes its course and taking advantage of the opportunities my school offered me, I found out what my passion was. I knew that I loved the idea of engineering. It was then that it hit me. I realized that I could accomplish my goal through my passion. "
Sounds awkward, especially when you immediately say that you realized what you could do. Try to fit it all together.
Nice ending!