Undergraduate / Encouraged to test a spectrum of activities - including dance, softball, basketball, choir, and art. [3]

Hey Morganh, Good start on the essay...it's good to see you've really been thinking about all the stuff you've done! However, looks like you fell into the trap that a lot of people do when writing something kind of open-ended like this: throwing everything at the wall and hoping something sticks. Unfortunately, this leaves the essay feeling a little disjointed and not that connected to its various parts or the essay prompt itself. Not to worry, this is pretty easily-solved! Additionally, these essays are a chance to get to know you, the person, not you the sheet of paper. As such, make sure you use specific emotions, experiences, thoughts, and memories; these are things that only you have, things that can't be expressed in GPAs or SATs or simply saying "i did this."