CE_15
Nov 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / A new now technology will soon become out of date or even useless; education for further development [4]
I have practiced writing for quite a long time. Although my grammar is ok, I think my way of arguing has some problems, so my essays are not persuasive. Please read and give me some advice. The prompt is : "Some people think governments should introduce new technology to improve the lives in developing countries while others think they should provide free education to achieve that. Do you agree or disagree ?" Here is my essay:
As the concept of globalization spread worldwide, we can easily see the rich countries helping poorer ones. They offer several types of help, including providing new technology or giving needy children free education. Free education, in comparison with technology, seems more effective because it provides benefits to the poor countries in many fields and in a long time.
Knowledge and thinking ability which students acquire through education is useful in numerous areas. New technology only helps in engineering, but these two things, beside engineering, can also be applied to business or arts. Also, good education makes talents. Without education, a student, though able to become a doctor or teacher, have to accept the life of a worker. Being a worker is not shameful, but he or she could do more to the country. Recognising the roles of talented students, Singapore, for example, not only provides an affordable education, but also seeks good students in developing countries. Even in technology, we need skilled engineers
with sufficient knowledge to run a new system. If an engineer operate a nuclear electric plant not properly, it will cause great danger.
Moreover, in the long run, an accessible education brings much more benefits. A new technology, while making big money in a short time, will soon become out of date and even useless. In the twentieth century, we witness DVDs dominating the music industry. In these days, we only buy singles online and listen to music everywhere with a smartphone; DVDs were forgotten. Therefore, a country must always adopt new technology, and to do this, we need young qualified engineers, the fruits of a good education. Some people propose that we should make some profits from a new technology first, and then use this money to improve our education. This idea makes sense, but we ought to have some talented graduates to make the best use of this technology.
A good education should be the main goal of developing countries, since it provides long-lasting benefits in numerous fields. It is about time poor countries improved their education system for further development.
Thanks for reading.
I have practiced writing for quite a long time. Although my grammar is ok, I think my way of arguing has some problems, so my essays are not persuasive. Please read and give me some advice. The prompt is : "Some people think governments should introduce new technology to improve the lives in developing countries while others think they should provide free education to achieve that. Do you agree or disagree ?" Here is my essay:
As the concept of globalization spread worldwide, we can easily see the rich countries helping poorer ones. They offer several types of help, including providing new technology or giving needy children free education. Free education, in comparison with technology, seems more effective because it provides benefits to the poor countries in many fields and in a long time.
Knowledge and thinking ability which students acquire through education is useful in numerous areas. New technology only helps in engineering, but these two things, beside engineering, can also be applied to business or arts. Also, good education makes talents. Without education, a student, though able to become a doctor or teacher, have to accept the life of a worker. Being a worker is not shameful, but he or she could do more to the country. Recognising the roles of talented students, Singapore, for example, not only provides an affordable education, but also seeks good students in developing countries. Even in technology, we need skilled engineers
with sufficient knowledge to run a new system. If an engineer operate a nuclear electric plant not properly, it will cause great danger.
Moreover, in the long run, an accessible education brings much more benefits. A new technology, while making big money in a short time, will soon become out of date and even useless. In the twentieth century, we witness DVDs dominating the music industry. In these days, we only buy singles online and listen to music everywhere with a smartphone; DVDs were forgotten. Therefore, a country must always adopt new technology, and to do this, we need young qualified engineers, the fruits of a good education. Some people propose that we should make some profits from a new technology first, and then use this money to improve our education. This idea makes sense, but we ought to have some talented graduates to make the best use of this technology.
A good education should be the main goal of developing countries, since it provides long-lasting benefits in numerous fields. It is about time poor countries improved their education system for further development.
Thanks for reading.
