Posts by BlackGypsy

BlackGypsy

Nov 12, 2014

Undergraduate / "You're so tall. You don't need to wear heels" - UC Personal Statement (Prompt #2) [6]

I am not a professional, but I really liked this essay! Especially how you related overcoming a single situation to overall thinking positive and being more "yourself". Good Job! :)

BlackGypsy

Nov 12, 2014

Undergraduate / Competitiveness is an important personal quality that had shaped me into the person I am today [7]

At one point, a certain bowl of rice mattered to me more than anything else in the world. As the youngest child in my family, that bowl of rice was my pride and even my honor because I felt that the day I would succeed in obtaining it would be the day I became more superior. However, I never actually got to have it because whenever meals were called, many elder relative children stomped over and left me in the trails of their dust. I always ended up eating the leftover burnt rice stuck to the pot because I was last to the dining table. As each day passed, my grief in failures turned into a fondness for rivalry in hope I would someday eat that full bowl of rice.

Feeling the need for redemption, I soon after adapted almost everything I did into a competition. Every part of these competitions were serious, and I would always try my best to be victorious. Throughout high-school, the instinct of competition stuck with me, but I struggled to keep up with the elites of each activity. With my interests, Track and Field, academics, JROTC Leadership, art, all being widely competitive, I would always be in second place and as vice-president, but never at the top. I began to hate seeing everything as a rivalry because overwhelmed with so many activities, I could not become the best at anything.

However, as time went on, I overcame my situation by learning how to prioritize my interests. Doing so, I managed to do extremely well in the activities I cared most about while still being above average in other hobbies. The momentum of success molded a personality that cared less for what place or title I achieved, but more for the vaster picture of learning from past mistakes, perfecting my performance, and aiding others down the same path. The goal of my life became clear as I realized that success and competition was more about the journey rather than the destination. In no time, my competitiveness provided me a direct path to my eventual achievements and kept me dreaming about what new challenges there are to take on.

Here is my rewrite. Is the example too trivial?
Also thanks for the feedback too, Gold42! :)

BlackGypsy

Nov 12, 2014

Undergraduate / Competitiveness is an important personal quality that had shaped me into the person I am today [7]

Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.

BlackGypsy

Nov 12, 2014

Undergraduate / Competitiveness is an important personal quality that had shaped me into the person I am today [7]

UC Personal Statement #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Competitiveness is an important personal quality that had shaped me into the person I am today. Ever since I was a child, the need for competition has always run through my blood, so I turned almost everything I did into a competition. Every part of these competitions were serious, and I would always try my best to be victorious. Furthermore, if I did not win, I would be reluctant to be claimed as runner-up because in my perspective, only first place mattered.

Throughout high-school, the instinct of competition stuck with me, and although I did begin to narrow my competitiveness only for primary interests, I was struggling to keep up with the elites of each activity. With my interests, Track and Field, academics, JROTC Leadership, career oriented clubs, art, all being widely competitive, I would always be in second place and as vice-president but never at the top. I soon hated the curse of seeing everything as a rivalry because I was overwhelmed by so many activities, I could not be the best at anything.

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