thuyvu
Nov 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1: Pass rates of undergraduates in their first academic year [3]
Hello. I am looking for some help with my essay.
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The bar chart compares the percentage of freshman who passed their junior year at university in the year 2008 and 2012.
As can be easily seen, the amount of students did not fail at the end of the semester in the year 2008 was smaller than in 2012 with the only one exception out of six disciplines. In both years, most student passed computer science whilst Humanities failed the majority of its.
The average pass rates in Health science 2012 was the same as in 2008 (over 40 percent). Computer science had more than 70 percent of student passed in 2008 and four year later this data went up to about 84 percent. In contrast, at the same time, only approximately five percent in 2008 and fifteen percent in 2012 of Humanity students passed their first academic year.
In 2008, Business, Math and Science had a relatively low pass rates with around 23 percent, 48 percent and 38 percent prospectively. However, these improved in 2012 when there was an increase of at least 20 percent in all three disciplines, which mean at least half of the students passed in those sectors.
(187)
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I would appreciate if you could show me my mistakes/inappropriate using words and how to fix them!
Thank you.
Hello. I am looking for some help with my essay.
---------------------------------------------------------
The bar chart compares the percentage of freshman who passed their junior year at university in the year 2008 and 2012.
As can be easily seen, the amount of students did not fail at the end of the semester in the year 2008 was smaller than in 2012 with the only one exception out of six disciplines. In both years, most student passed computer science whilst Humanities failed the majority of its.
The average pass rates in Health science 2012 was the same as in 2008 (over 40 percent). Computer science had more than 70 percent of student passed in 2008 and four year later this data went up to about 84 percent. In contrast, at the same time, only approximately five percent in 2008 and fifteen percent in 2012 of Humanity students passed their first academic year.
In 2008, Business, Math and Science had a relatively low pass rates with around 23 percent, 48 percent and 38 percent prospectively. However, these improved in 2012 when there was an increase of at least 20 percent in all three disciplines, which mean at least half of the students passed in those sectors.
(187)
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I would appreciate if you could show me my mistakes/inappropriate using words and how to fix them!
Thank you.
