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Posts by Amanda Yueqiao
Name: Amanda
Joined: Dec 1, 2014
Last Post: Dec 2, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

Displayed posts: 5
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Amanda Yueqiao   
Dec 2, 2014
Undergraduate / My Chinese name - Yueqiao, brings my weapons to make me grow and my bridges across the world! [6]

wow! Thank you so much for spending time on my essay. I see that nearly every phrase is revised. However, i think you may misunderstood some context.

Yet when the first Native American I encountered in streets firmly insisted that I was raised in the US, I felt happier and prouder than ever. I was ten years old This part doesn't mean i moved to the US. In fact, i have never been to US yet. I was trying to say that I talked to a Native American, whom i encountered in streets, and he thought that I was American. And that was inspiring for me.

The last paragragh was about how I succeed in study and life after struggling and how the two languages had eventually bridge me to France, a Western country. But new questions emerge and explained why I will keep studying in university, and what would I like to do in the futrue. And last, to demonstrate that the admission will benefit both me and the school.

Plus, because of the huge culture differences, i do not really know how an essay should be like. Chinese people write beautiful sentenses, while Americans like concise illustrations.My bold guess is that you are American, since you didn't keep nearly all my "poetic phrases". I guess i probably failed to balance the both strategies, but i want to know, will the essay be impressive enough when it is simple like that?
Amanda Yueqiao   
Dec 2, 2014
Undergraduate / My Chinese name - Yueqiao, brings my weapons to make me grow and my bridges across the world! [6]

Thank you. Yes, my inclined major is International Relations. Using my version to combine cultures and maybe find a balance to help more people who feel lost and confused in their belongings, to help them find their inner cultural indentity is what i would love to do in the future. And my main idea is exactly as you said--using languages to build my central identity, also wanting to discover more cultures and bring my own culture to the world. Yes, it is the version that i want to work on particularly, and in fact, it has already reached the word limit, 650 words. This is personal statement essay that i want to post on my common application in writing.
Amanda Yueqiao   
Dec 1, 2014
Undergraduate / NYUad nomination essay - Linguistic scenario in Nepal [2]

I think it is better if you can add one sentence of your main topic and statement at the beginning of first paragraph, which will make the entire essay clearer.

You didn't say directly "your stands and opinions "
Plus, try to leave a empty line after each paragragh.
Amanda Yueqiao   
Dec 1, 2014
Undergraduate / My Chinese name - Yueqiao, brings my weapons to make me grow and my bridges across the world! [6]

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

My name is WU Yue-qiao. Daring to overcome myself is my parents' expectation under my name. WU, my family name, is my Chinese heritage. Yue means to surpass. When separated the character, it is a combination of Zou, to walk and Yue, an ancient weapon. Qiao are bridges.

A brave warrior, holding weapons to defend herself, walks in the path of life toward happiness with her dignity and pride.

Heretofore, I have found English is my best weapons and bridges.

My parents chose English as my first weapon. Living in a small city in China, I was simply so excited to talk with people with blond hair and blue eyes. I jumped at my English study.

However, memorizing vocabularies and reciting movie dialogues all by myself were dull and tiring for a five-year-old kid. Schools and homework were usually finished at eight p.m., and I still had hours of music practice every day. I couldn't help slacking. Under strict family supervision, I studied English for two hours every day and grasped all the time when other children were watching cartoons and playing toys.

Yet when the first Native American I encountered in streets firmly insisted that I was raised in the US, I felt happier and prouder than ever. I was ten years old. Somehow, I started to expect my English hours every day.

Speaking English, I got into contact with more and more foreigners. Seeing their hearty smiling faces and listening to their travelling experiences over the world, all totally different from Easterners', I started to realize that English is also a bridge to connect one's inner values and outside world. Twelve years old, English opened my windows to see outside world. I enjoy love and dreams that English taught me.

As I coherently delved in English, I wondered how my weapons can help me continue walking ahead. French came into my mind. Bearing a full heart of curiosity, I entered L'Alliance Française when i turned fourteen. However, because of my young age, no class was willing to accept me.

Nevertheless, my confidence come from English didn't allow me to wince before trying. Every impediment catapulted my courage and determination to greater heights. Having conversation with me in English, the Principal, M. Leroux was totally convinced that I was an American. After knowing I learned English completely on my own, he was sure that I have incredible capacity of studying. Therefore, he broke rules to offer me an opportunity to study French. In adult class, a junior high student began her first French lesson. Without English, I could not imagine how I am able to open the door of French.

To study French, I arrived at another city, five-hour driving distance from mine, around midnight all alone at weekends. English helped me to develop my own sense of harmony in life and study. Surrounded by all the unknowns was frightful, but I always found that la vie est une belle. I smiled when seeing a laughing face on an overpass of an unacquainted city. To work efficiently, I released my minds, relaxed and NOT only pursued grades and ranks, like Westerners. I succeeded in school, English and French without wearing glasses. And then, I built my own bridges to France. Now, here I am in France, for my self-managed exchange. Many nights, I looked at stars in the dark sky, appreciating my English and asking myself: What is the bridge to connect realities and dreams? What is the bridge to balance my Chinese traditions and Western education?

Yue-qiao, to surpass bridges is to have wings. Wings make me fly over conventions; bring me liberty and inner-peace. I want to open more doors of outside world, to integrate cultures, to make world less random and to find answers for prayers. I want to build bridge across the Pacific to America, to challenge new unknowns and bring there my own culture.
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