csuarez
Dec 23, 2014
Undergraduate / Incline towards economics - without expecting it, the pieces have fallen right into their place. [2]
These are all suggestions, you will end up deciding how you think it sounds better.
"Its seemingly interesting how a child`s passion for nature and fixation for science would ultimately lead him to incline towards economics"
-Its should be it's and in fact i would seperate it to "it is" because you should avoid contractions for essays
-This may be just personal preference but I would say "lead him towards economics" or "make him incline towards economics"
-in the 2nd paragraph i would take out the 2nd instance of "as a child"
-3rd paragraph: thats-> that's, but I don't know if the contraction is correct there or not
- I started to discovera whole science named psychology and the studies of collective behaviour and sociology.
"Regardless of the conclusions i reached, i believe the most important one, was the conclusion set upon myself. I learned I am altruistic in nature."
-Connect the two phrases, a colon would work nicely here. In fact, maybe you could connect all three sentences
"Endless dogmatic discussions."
Try to avoid sentence fragments like this, find a way to connect the phrases.
To finalize, the general idea is very solid but I have two things to say:
1) very minor error: try not to confuse the accent (') with the apostrophe ('), just a few instances where you do that.
2) ask yourself, you're trying to get into cornell (me too :D) and write about cornell specifically, so: if you replace all instances of "Cornell" with any other Institution, would the essay still make perfect sense? If so, try to be more specific towards Cornell
I hope I helped, it's like 4 am here.
Good luck!! I hope that we meet next year in Cornell :)
These are all suggestions, you will end up deciding how you think it sounds better.
"Its seemingly interesting how a child`s passion for nature and fixation for science would ultimately lead him to incline towards economics"
-Its should be it's and in fact i would seperate it to "it is" because you should avoid contractions for essays
-This may be just personal preference but I would say "lead him towards economics" or "make him incline towards economics"
-in the 2nd paragraph i would take out the 2nd instance of "as a child"
-3rd paragraph: thats-> that's, but I don't know if the contraction is correct there or not
- I started to discover
"Regardless of the conclusions i reached, i believe the most important one, was the conclusion set upon myself. I learned I am altruistic in nature."
-Connect the two phrases, a colon would work nicely here. In fact, maybe you could connect all three sentences
"Endless dogmatic discussions."
Try to avoid sentence fragments like this, find a way to connect the phrases.
To finalize, the general idea is very solid but I have two things to say:
1) very minor error: try not to confuse the accent (') with the apostrophe ('), just a few instances where you do that.
2) ask yourself, you're trying to get into cornell (me too :D) and write about cornell specifically, so: if you replace all instances of "Cornell" with any other Institution, would the essay still make perfect sense? If so, try to be more specific towards Cornell
I hope I helped, it's like 4 am here.
Good luck!! I hope that we meet next year in Cornell :)