Yithian
Jan 7, 2015
Undergraduate / Why UChicago? Curiosity has always been the driving force in my life. [7]
Thank you very much! : D
Thank you very much! : D
Yithian
Jan 7, 2015
Undergraduate / defying the stereotypes or conforming to new ones? [14]
I think this essay is good, but you definitely can rephrase your words so that it is more effective.
The first part (the interrogation) is attractive. I grinned while reading it; it's certainly enjoyable.
However, as you started to ask about why so many people misinterpreted your background, it does seem like you are complaining others. After all, complaining is really not a good way to present your argument. I think you can shift your focus a little bit: instead of complaining other people, you can criticize the effect of stereotypes. Your talent and intelligence are not evidences of your race, but your own personality.
The last part is okay. You don't really need to worry about flip-flops because it shows how your paradigm has shifted, which makes a better story.
And thank you for reviewing mine! : D
I think this essay is good, but you definitely can rephrase your words so that it is more effective.
The first part (the interrogation) is attractive. I grinned while reading it; it's certainly enjoyable.
However, as you started to ask about why so many people misinterpreted your background, it does seem like you are complaining others. After all, complaining is really not a good way to present your argument. I think you can shift your focus a little bit: instead of complaining other people, you can criticize the effect of stereotypes. Your talent and intelligence are not evidences of your race, but your own personality.
The last part is okay. You don't really need to worry about flip-flops because it shows how your paradigm has shifted, which makes a better story.
And thank you for reviewing mine! : D
Yithian
Jan 7, 2015
Undergraduate / Why UChicago? Curiosity has always been the driving force in my life. [7]
Thank you very much and sorry for the late reply! I really appreciate your advise. I've uploaded it to the commonapp. XD
Thank you very much and sorry for the late reply! I really appreciate your advise. I've uploaded it to the commonapp. XD
Yithian
Jan 4, 2015
Undergraduate / Why UChicago? Curiosity has always been the driving force in my life. [7]
Thank you very much for your feedback, it's really helpful. : D
Anyway, here is revised version:
[...]
Thank you very much for your feedback, it's really helpful. : D
Anyway, here is revised version:
[...]
Yithian
Jan 4, 2015
Undergraduate / Why UChicago? Curiosity has always been the driving force in my life. [7]
Hello everyone! Here is the original essay prompt:
How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
And here is my response, any advise on grammar, structure and content will be appreciated :)
Curiosity has always been the driving force in my life. While wondering the meaning of life, I always try to seek the knowledge on every single subject: biology, chemistry, physics, literature, and even philosophy. I saw and imagined the most glaring and amazing beauty that lie within the universe itself. And I decided to pursuit for the subject that reveals the most basic principles of the universe, which is physics. The original question of 'what's the meaning of life?' transferred into 'what can I do with my life?' during the process of seeking answer, because in order to seek the truth, I also need to take actions. I hope that during the process of seeking the truth, I can also be beneficial for the human society, whether that is as complex as to discover a theory of everything, or as simple as finding a new approach of generating clean energy.
And that's when University of Chicago attracted me. The motto of University of Chicago: 'Let knowledge grow from more to more; and so be human life enriched' not only explains the motive of my curiosity, but also suggests that UChicago can really support my dream of both seeking the knowledge and contributing to human society. The motto itself reminds me of my childhood imaginations, while other kids were dreaming about cartoons and toys, I was either staring at the sky, wondering how telescopes could aid us in understanding the universe, or imagining how could particles in particle accelerators improve our understanding in quantum mechanism. That was my contemplation of scientific contribution as a child, and as a senior, I am ready to further develop my passion. The Common Core, which requires students to take 15 courses and a foreign language, can encourage me to be both a diversified learner, and a persistent explorer to the new area of knowledge. I believe, with the advanced education system and equipments, UChicago can both support my dream, develop my persistency and help me to contribute to science society.
Humans are social animals. Outside of the intensively competitive studying, the on-campus housing system in UChicago would be a unique opportunity for me to know other people and be familiarized with both diverse cultures. The various student organization, clubs and traditions also improve the quality of life in UChicago. I believe I can participate in the some activities such as Documentary Film Group and Chicago Student Government with my communication and technical skills, and these experiences will be very precious for me as well. I hope, that not only can I study and research in UChicago, but I can also build friendships that would last a lifetime.
Also, my impression of UChicago suggested that it will be a wonderful opportunity if I attended. With the world-renowned professors and alumni, I will certainly cherish every moment in UChicago. I can study follow the footprint of my favorite film critic, Roger Ebert; I can wonder about how Edwin Hubble was studying in the campus, and how he developed his method of showing the universe is expanding; I can imagine how Carl Sagan was working and studying in the campus, and I might actually find out which classroom he studied in. It was the place where Enrico Fermi worked in, accompanied with various Nobel Prize winners in the UChicago faculty. Studying in such environment will encourage me to continue with my demanding standards and work harder. I believe, with the intense studying, the warm community and the internationally recognized faculty members, UChicago can best support my dream.
Hello everyone! Here is the original essay prompt:
How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
And here is my response, any advise on grammar, structure and content will be appreciated :)
Curiosity has always been the driving force in my life. While wondering the meaning of life, I always try to seek the knowledge on every single subject: biology, chemistry, physics, literature, and even philosophy. I saw and imagined the most glaring and amazing beauty that lie within the universe itself. And I decided to pursuit for the subject that reveals the most basic principles of the universe, which is physics. The original question of 'what's the meaning of life?' transferred into 'what can I do with my life?' during the process of seeking answer, because in order to seek the truth, I also need to take actions. I hope that during the process of seeking the truth, I can also be beneficial for the human society, whether that is as complex as to discover a theory of everything, or as simple as finding a new approach of generating clean energy.
And that's when University of Chicago attracted me. The motto of University of Chicago: 'Let knowledge grow from more to more; and so be human life enriched' not only explains the motive of my curiosity, but also suggests that UChicago can really support my dream of both seeking the knowledge and contributing to human society. The motto itself reminds me of my childhood imaginations, while other kids were dreaming about cartoons and toys, I was either staring at the sky, wondering how telescopes could aid us in understanding the universe, or imagining how could particles in particle accelerators improve our understanding in quantum mechanism. That was my contemplation of scientific contribution as a child, and as a senior, I am ready to further develop my passion. The Common Core, which requires students to take 15 courses and a foreign language, can encourage me to be both a diversified learner, and a persistent explorer to the new area of knowledge. I believe, with the advanced education system and equipments, UChicago can both support my dream, develop my persistency and help me to contribute to science society.
Humans are social animals. Outside of the intensively competitive studying, the on-campus housing system in UChicago would be a unique opportunity for me to know other people and be familiarized with both diverse cultures. The various student organization, clubs and traditions also improve the quality of life in UChicago. I believe I can participate in the some activities such as Documentary Film Group and Chicago Student Government with my communication and technical skills, and these experiences will be very precious for me as well. I hope, that not only can I study and research in UChicago, but I can also build friendships that would last a lifetime.
Also, my impression of UChicago suggested that it will be a wonderful opportunity if I attended. With the world-renowned professors and alumni, I will certainly cherish every moment in UChicago. I can study follow the footprint of my favorite film critic, Roger Ebert; I can wonder about how Edwin Hubble was studying in the campus, and how he developed his method of showing the universe is expanding; I can imagine how Carl Sagan was working and studying in the campus, and I might actually find out which classroom he studied in. It was the place where Enrico Fermi worked in, accompanied with various Nobel Prize winners in the UChicago faculty. Studying in such environment will encourage me to continue with my demanding standards and work harder. I believe, with the intense studying, the warm community and the internationally recognized faculty members, UChicago can best support my dream.