Undergraduate / At DubHacks my peers and I developed an application that helped drivers focus on their driving. [2]

Hello, halcyoncxd,
Overall, excellent job on your essays. You utilized the terms which accompany CS and programming fields to demonstrate your commitment.
On your concerns, I don't find them emotional, but intelligent and sincere.
I'm no writing expert, just a student going through the same process, but by my opinion, they are just right. Not too long, too short, or awkward.

Once again, good job, and good luck! :)