sortiz15
Jan 15, 2015
Undergraduate / "Don't Forget The Lyrics" (A Cheesy Common App Essay About A Bad Audition - Prompt #2) [5]
First of all, I would like to thank you both for your wonderful insight and advice. It means a lot! :-)
After reading both of your comments, I realized that my essay does indeed lack a connection between the experience and how it impacted my life professionally and emotionally.
Thanks so much Kevin! You're comment really helped me realize the importance of making a clear connection between an experience and the importance of its effect on your professional goals and personal goals. I felt that my essay was somewhat lacking in that area and understanding.
Louisa, thank you for your amazing feedback. You made a strong point about the admissions officers and how a successful back story and title can grab their attention and make them more attracted to what I have to say. I hadn't realized that my writing didn't fully explain how and why this experience had led me to make changes in my life.
Although this particular experience was embarrassing and did mark me in some way, I'm not sure if it is a good story to demonstrate my professional goals and personal goals. I actually developed an essay before this but hadn't mentioned it initially. I had started writing it before I changed my topic but am now wondering if it's a better story to tell. It's somewhat similar to this one, but I believe it may do a better job. I will continue working on this essay but I would like to see where I can go with this other one. Please give me your advice on how I should continue working on this essay and what I can do to make it better. Looking forward to hearing both of your opinions. This is what I have so far:
First Essay: "Don't Forget The Lyrics"
...
Second Essay: (I haven't decided on a title yet)
Amidst the usual morning hustle during my sophomore year of high school, I stood staring at a single, 8 x 10 inch paper taped against the theater door entrance. It contained the final cast list for my school's original winter production of The Man Who Saved Christmas and after reading and re-reading the list several times, I realized that my name wasn't on it.
I first knew I wanted to be an actress when I dressed up like an orphan in Annie in fourth grade. By high school, I started trying out for parts in the plays, and last year got a supporting role in my school's original and fifties-inspired production of Valentine's & Mistletoe, which was a play based on Jane Austen's novel, Emma.
Although I had dealt with rejection many times before, this was my first time being cut from a club - especially one that had already felt like family to me.
"So, tell me, did you make it?" asked my mom on the other end of the line. At this point, I had ran to the girl's bathroom and called her in one of the stalls. Before I could give her an answer, I couldn't stop myself from crying. I couldn't even talk. I was crushed. I thought my world was over.
TO BE CONTINUED...
First of all, I would like to thank you both for your wonderful insight and advice. It means a lot! :-)
After reading both of your comments, I realized that my essay does indeed lack a connection between the experience and how it impacted my life professionally and emotionally.
Thanks so much Kevin! You're comment really helped me realize the importance of making a clear connection between an experience and the importance of its effect on your professional goals and personal goals. I felt that my essay was somewhat lacking in that area and understanding.
Louisa, thank you for your amazing feedback. You made a strong point about the admissions officers and how a successful back story and title can grab their attention and make them more attracted to what I have to say. I hadn't realized that my writing didn't fully explain how and why this experience had led me to make changes in my life.
Although this particular experience was embarrassing and did mark me in some way, I'm not sure if it is a good story to demonstrate my professional goals and personal goals. I actually developed an essay before this but hadn't mentioned it initially. I had started writing it before I changed my topic but am now wondering if it's a better story to tell. It's somewhat similar to this one, but I believe it may do a better job. I will continue working on this essay but I would like to see where I can go with this other one. Please give me your advice on how I should continue working on this essay and what I can do to make it better. Looking forward to hearing both of your opinions. This is what I have so far:
First Essay: "Don't Forget The Lyrics"
...
Second Essay: (I haven't decided on a title yet)
Amidst the usual morning hustle during my sophomore year of high school, I stood staring at a single, 8 x 10 inch paper taped against the theater door entrance. It contained the final cast list for my school's original winter production of The Man Who Saved Christmas and after reading and re-reading the list several times, I realized that my name wasn't on it.
I first knew I wanted to be an actress when I dressed up like an orphan in Annie in fourth grade. By high school, I started trying out for parts in the plays, and last year got a supporting role in my school's original and fifties-inspired production of Valentine's & Mistletoe, which was a play based on Jane Austen's novel, Emma.
Although I had dealt with rejection many times before, this was my first time being cut from a club - especially one that had already felt like family to me.
"So, tell me, did you make it?" asked my mom on the other end of the line. At this point, I had ran to the girl's bathroom and called her in one of the stalls. Before I could give her an answer, I couldn't stop myself from crying. I couldn't even talk. I was crushed. I thought my world was over.
TO BE CONTINUED...
