Scholarship / Flashing lights. Tangled bodies. Room shaking. Bass blaring. Sweet intoxication. [7]

Hey all, I have to write a 1 page personal statement for a scholarship application at the University of New Orleans. The prompt is: describe my goals and future plans. I need a little help with editing and I'm wondering if what I wrote answers the prompt. I feel like I'm focusing too much on my career goals when I should be focusing on other topics in my essay also. Does my essay sound more analytical than passionate? What do you guys think?

Flashing lights. Tangled bodies. Room shaking. Bass blaring. Sweet intoxication. Broken affairs. New connections. Simply put, a transcending experience I hope to offer my patrons when I open my nightclub, Club Rheia. While my classmates were dreaming about becoming doctors who save lives or professors who enrich students' minds, my dream has always been to create a place where people can leave the real world for a pocket of time and just enjoy the beauty of being alive. But while I may paint a dream about beautiful people in beautiful surroundings, I understand the reality of running a nightclub has less to do with glamour and more to do with blood, sweat, and tears. Specifically, my blood, sweat, and tears. It will require dedication, intelligence, attitude, knowledge, and especially, passion. A passion to serve people and help them experience an unforgettable moment. I decided I wanted to open a nightclub because I love the creativity and energy needed to create a place that people can escape to. And while I can express my creativity in the food, drink, or experience I provide, I can also satisfy my analytical mind while developing marketing strategies or managing inventory and orders. But before I can achieve my dream of opening a nightclub, I have many goals to accomplish first.

My first goal is to gain extensive knowledge about the hospitality industry from UNO's industry experienced professors while pursuing my MS in hospitality and tourism management degree. With this degree I will learn how to plan, develop, and market tourist destinations, gain a global knowledge of the hospitality industry, learn how to financially manage a business, and most importantly, learn how to become a leader who is able to adapt to any complex changing environment and handle the management and operational problems that are always found in the hospitality industry. With this knowledge and my previous work experiences, I will then attain an internship as a hotel food and beverage management intern, with the end goal of becoming an f&b manager at that hotel. This goal is critical to my future plans because I will later be able to transfer the skills and knowledge I learn from this position to become an f&b manager at a nightclub; and while in this position I will learn what it takes to create a successful nightclub. My goal is to open my nightclub 4 years after I graduate from UNO.

Other goals of mine are to study abroad and visit different countries over the next few years and these goals will benefit me both academically and professionally. The hospitality world is becoming more globalized by the second, so having experience internationally will help me professionally because I will develop strong cross-cultural communication skills and an understanding of diverse cultures and people. It will benefit me academically because it will extend my knowledge and give me a different perspective about the hospitality industry. Also, my goal in life has never been to simply open 1 nightclub, but rather, various nightclubs within the US and internationally. By visiting different countries early in my career, I will have the chance and time to plan and develop future business plans.

Now many would assume opening nightclubs would be the end of my journey, but over the years I've realized that learning is a process that never ends. Which is why after I open my first nightclub, my next goal is to get my MBA with a concentration in marketing. Marketing is critical in the success of any hospitality organization and with my degree, I will find innovative ways to make my business and future businesses stay successful. In the end, how successful I am in my plans all depends on how dedicated and prepared I am for the future, and it all begins at the University of New Orleans.