thojoe
Jan 15, 2015
Undergraduate / Villanova - "one outfit completely altered my own esteem like no other" [4]
Your piece is striking. But it could be improved with words that express exactly what you mean to say. For example - "I look back on this experience and think of how it improved my strive impress myself." Apart from its wrong grammar, wouldn't "I value this experience that taught me the importance of being self-assured, more than trying to impress others." be better? Sometimes, brevity carries more punch. Thus, "The only way to describe that single day is with the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt after the attacks on Pearl Harbor- "A date that will live in infamy." may be what you need, instead of "The way to describe that single day is only from what Franklin D. Roosevelt said after the attacks on Pearl Harbor in one of his most famous speeches of his presidential terms as, "A date that will live in infamy."
Your piece is striking. But it could be improved with words that express exactly what you mean to say. For example - "I look back on this experience and think of how it improved my strive impress myself." Apart from its wrong grammar, wouldn't "I value this experience that taught me the importance of being self-assured, more than trying to impress others." be better? Sometimes, brevity carries more punch. Thus, "The only way to describe that single day is with the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt after the attacks on Pearl Harbor- "A date that will live in infamy." may be what you need, instead of "The way to describe that single day is only from what Franklin D. Roosevelt said after the attacks on Pearl Harbor in one of his most famous speeches of his presidential terms as, "A date that will live in infamy."
