Undergraduate / Acting altruistic has allowed me to make the decision of making selflessness into a career. [4]

I can't afford to give any more advice away for free, other than this: Do you want the tired, overworked admissions committee member to become distracted with a question such as "Who is Bob Kerrey?" as she/he starts to read your essay?

Undergraduate / Acting altruistic has allowed me to make the decision of making selflessness into a career. [4]

Hi - My main concern, as a reader of the first few paragraphs of your essay, is that I feel like you are trying to convince me that your friend and her mood swings are the subjects of your answer to the prompt. Later, you become more focused on the importance of small, random acts of kindness, but why not forefront this more in the beginning, and use the story of your friend as evidence that these acts of kindness are important.

Also, consider your audience: likely, a tired, overworked committee member who may have dozens of these essays to read in a single sitting. It behooves you to answer the prompt up front (identify what goes unnoticed and why it is important to you), and then use the remaining paragraphs to provide evidence that will persuade this tired, overworked person that your example is important.

I served as a university writing tutor for 4+ years, and maintain a writing service website if you want a full review. Search "The Writing Consultant" on Facebook...

Good luck on with your application essays. - Ben