mymai14493
Feb 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / Obesity in modern society - people are lacking a healthy diet and getting fatter. IELTS [2]
Hi I need corrections and advices for my essay.I'm aiming for band 5 in writing test. Thank you
Nowadays, it is no doubt that people are lacking a healthy diet and getting fatter. This situation is not only happening in adults but also in children. Over the past few years, obesity has become a serious problem, and it is important to take some steps to decrease overweight rates.This essay will look into the main causes of the issue and propose some solutions.
The first reason of obesity is the eating habits filled with fast food and instant meal. Due to the fact that modern people are usually busy, they tend to go to fast food restaurants or heat some canned foods for dinner instead of cooking by themselves. Those types of food which is high in fat and salt generally lead to obesity. Another cause associated with overweight in children, is parents regularly using sweets to praise their child. For example, candies or biscuits might be offered to a child for helping with household chores. The third cause is lack of physical exercise. With a limited amount of time for relaxing and self-caring per day, people might find it impossible to get some exercise. Besides, going to a gym could be quite expensive.
To address this issue, governments should raise the tax rates on fast food products. Because of the increased prices, people might find fast food less attractive and consider cooking at home more often. Solving this problem also involves balancing nutrition in children. For instance, the amount of sugar used per day could be cut down by replacing common desserts including candies and cakes with fruits such as apples and pears. Another solution is to launch national publicity campaigns to raise people's cognition about eating healthy and keeping fit. As an example of this, more sports competitions and events could be organized to encourage students to do fitness activities more regularly.
To sum up, obesity is a major problem caused by many reasons: the rise in fast food consumption, sweets eating habits in children and the shortage of fitness activities. In my opinion, all governments, schools and parents have important roles to play in tackling the issue. Action must be taken urgently, otherwise societies will face even greater health problems in the future.
Hi I need corrections and advices for my essay.I'm aiming for band 5 in writing test. Thank you
Nowadays, it is no doubt that people are lacking a healthy diet and getting fatter. This situation is not only happening in adults but also in children. Over the past few years, obesity has become a serious problem, and it is important to take some steps to decrease overweight rates.This essay will look into the main causes of the issue and propose some solutions.
The first reason of obesity is the eating habits filled with fast food and instant meal. Due to the fact that modern people are usually busy, they tend to go to fast food restaurants or heat some canned foods for dinner instead of cooking by themselves. Those types of food which is high in fat and salt generally lead to obesity. Another cause associated with overweight in children, is parents regularly using sweets to praise their child. For example, candies or biscuits might be offered to a child for helping with household chores. The third cause is lack of physical exercise. With a limited amount of time for relaxing and self-caring per day, people might find it impossible to get some exercise. Besides, going to a gym could be quite expensive.
To address this issue, governments should raise the tax rates on fast food products. Because of the increased prices, people might find fast food less attractive and consider cooking at home more often. Solving this problem also involves balancing nutrition in children. For instance, the amount of sugar used per day could be cut down by replacing common desserts including candies and cakes with fruits such as apples and pears. Another solution is to launch national publicity campaigns to raise people's cognition about eating healthy and keeping fit. As an example of this, more sports competitions and events could be organized to encourage students to do fitness activities more regularly.
To sum up, obesity is a major problem caused by many reasons: the rise in fast food consumption, sweets eating habits in children and the shortage of fitness activities. In my opinion, all governments, schools and parents have important roles to play in tackling the issue. Action must be taken urgently, otherwise societies will face even greater health problems in the future.
