lilatte
Mar 11, 2015
Scholarship / "deserving party" - I am aware that only a limited number of students are granted scholarships [9]
I am no master of grammar, but here are some suggestions in phrasing:
"I have shown excellent and consistent performance in my academics with a constant score of 80 % and above throughout my secondary and tertiary education , and was always placed within the top 10 % of my class ."
^ this helps to remove some phrasings which I thought were redundant and awkward. You may want to indicate your class size to emphasize how hard the feat is... eg. if your class is out of 100 people, you'll be in the top ten. To qualify for scholarships, it would be best if you are placed in the top 15% of your school, although I'm not too sure how lenient is the scholarship that you are applying for.
In the next paragraph you have mentioned that you are a member of so and so society... is it a club? You may want to mention any leadership position you hold, or any significant role you play, unless you're just a member. You may also want to state the exact title of the certification on design and simulation for clarity.
Moving on to the next paragraph, you mentioned that you were a school leader. You may want to state when and where u were a school leader (in uni or secondary? In what faculty?)You may also want to mention significant, large scaled events that you have taken a huge role in organizing, and some details on what you contributed and how. Again with the Road safety club, you may want to state some examples of the events you organized, and maybe your position as well if there is anything significant (secretary? project manager? itenary planner?).
Additionally, you may also want to include any academic competitions that you have participated (eg. olympiads..nationals..) to make yourself stand out. Also state any academic award of significance that you have recieved. Last but not least, I highly recommend that you read through the whole letter and regroup your paragraphs.
Some other glaring phrasings I spotted:
"However, as a student, I have limited financial means. I come from a middle-class Indian family, so financial support from my parents will be limited ."
^ don't repeat a word twice in the same sentence, it shows your limited vocabulary. Use an alternative word with the same meaning.
"Based on my excellent academic record, leadership potential, and active participation in a myraid of co-curriculum activities , I believe that I have made a compelling case for granting me this scholarship."
^ 'other records' makes a vague summary that creates an unimpressive conclusion to the reader.
Despite adding more details, make sure that overall, your letter is not lengthy, but still conscise and on point.
I am no master of grammar, but here are some suggestions in phrasing:
"I have shown excellent and consistent performance in my academics with a constant score of 80 % and above throughout my secondary and tertiary education , and was always placed within the top 10 % of my class ."
^ this helps to remove some phrasings which I thought were redundant and awkward. You may want to indicate your class size to emphasize how hard the feat is... eg. if your class is out of 100 people, you'll be in the top ten. To qualify for scholarships, it would be best if you are placed in the top 15% of your school, although I'm not too sure how lenient is the scholarship that you are applying for.
In the next paragraph you have mentioned that you are a member of so and so society... is it a club? You may want to mention any leadership position you hold, or any significant role you play, unless you're just a member. You may also want to state the exact title of the certification on design and simulation for clarity.
Moving on to the next paragraph, you mentioned that you were a school leader. You may want to state when and where u were a school leader (in uni or secondary? In what faculty?)You may also want to mention significant, large scaled events that you have taken a huge role in organizing, and some details on what you contributed and how. Again with the Road safety club, you may want to state some examples of the events you organized, and maybe your position as well if there is anything significant (secretary? project manager? itenary planner?).
Additionally, you may also want to include any academic competitions that you have participated (eg. olympiads..nationals..) to make yourself stand out. Also state any academic award of significance that you have recieved. Last but not least, I highly recommend that you read through the whole letter and regroup your paragraphs.
Some other glaring phrasings I spotted:
"However, as a student, I have limited financial means. I come from a middle-class Indian family, so financial support from my parents will be limited ."
^ don't repeat a word twice in the same sentence, it shows your limited vocabulary. Use an alternative word with the same meaning.
"Based on my excellent academic record, leadership potential, and active participation in a myraid of co-curriculum activities , I believe that I have made a compelling case for granting me this scholarship."
^ 'other records' makes a vague summary that creates an unimpressive conclusion to the reader.
Despite adding more details, make sure that overall, your letter is not lengthy, but still conscise and on point.
