the_batfan
Mar 12, 2015
Undergraduate / Essay : an incident or set of incidents in your life that had the most profound influence on you ! [5]
Help needed !!!
Gotta submit an essay on the aforementioned subject for a B-school application.This is what I came up with and need some help with the language - improvements in grammar,content etc. and also in keeping it concise and crisp,since its about 450 words long and the limit is 300 words max.
Essay :
As a child, life was great for me. I spent my days being a hyperactive boy, running around and causing general chaos in my vicinity. The world I lived in was a stress free world, I had not had many difficult experiences growing up. Life was beautiful for me, until a tragedy struck my family.
It was my father who had a stroke and was rendered paralyzed, unable to move or speak. There was no one at home except me I was the only one home, and the nearest hospital was two hours away. With some help from his colleagues, we got arrived to the hospital but the journey took something away from me. I was no longer a child lost in his my own happy world. I was praying when it dawned upon me that life could be so unpredictable and the future so uncertain. It appeared very futile to pray then, and thus I stopped praying, forever.
It was a different My world became different after this incident. With an elder brother studying abroad, and my father's being in fragile health, the onus of running the household fell on my mother's shoulders, who being a teacher, could only manage so much with the limited time she had. Thus I had to manage studies and chores, doing my bit to help her out. I did not have as I no longer had much free time as other kids of the same age.
...
Help needed !!!
Gotta submit an essay on the aforementioned subject for a B-school application.This is what I came up with and need some help with the language - improvements in grammar,content etc. and also in keeping it concise and crisp,since its about 450 words long and the limit is 300 words max.
Essay :
As a child, life was great for me. I spent my days being a hyperactive boy, running around and causing general chaos in my vicinity. The world I lived in was a stress free world, I had not had many difficult experiences growing up. Life was beautiful for me, until a tragedy struck my family.
It was my father who had a stroke and was rendered paralyzed, unable to move or speak. There was no one at home except me I was the only one home, and the nearest hospital was two hours away. With some help from his colleagues, we got arrived to the hospital but the journey took something away from me. I was no longer a child lost in his my own happy world. I was praying when it dawned upon me that life could be so unpredictable and the future so uncertain. It appeared very futile to pray then, and thus I stopped praying, forever.
It was a different My world became different after this incident. With an elder brother studying abroad, and my father's being in fragile health, the onus of running the household fell on my mother's shoulders, who being a teacher, could only manage so much with the limited time she had. Thus I had to manage studies and chores, doing my bit to help her out. I did not have as I no longer had much free time as other kids of the same age.
...
